Dairy Of A Broken Heart

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF.. just turn 21, fucking official to do wtvr fuck i wanna do.. dint actually did much today, been having my classroom training all day, and told 2 diff date i can't make it cause i wanna have a nice family dinner. and i expect my mum to cook at least nice for my celebration.. But sadly, dissapointed to the max. din't even cook rice when i starve my way back home at 630pm.. and ended up fried bihun and fried rice.. summo wanna nag me when i wanna celebrate bday with my fren, wtf right. make me damn sad only.. lucky there's a last min plan with the gang, and off to beer fact to chill.. had a couple glasses of beer, and my 1st birthday cake since 17th birthday... :) and played some fucking disguisting true or dare game with my best girl friend around the town and she made me drink some fucking beer + chocolate + cheese cake. and get girl num and take off my belt. urgh.. thats what i get for going easy on her.. i will pay back.. some other day. xD Good ...

And here's a picture of my hot sis at the other night. :) Here's a picture of me and some random lady with cheryl. Okay, had my pre-birthday celebration at mist with the gang... haha.. fucking gone all out tonight.. It will be better and a hot hot night if she could join me tonight.. i hate it when she ffk.. urgh!! and i had a lot of fun and finally is been years since i last drunk. they were amaze how many shots and glasses i need to drink to get drunk. lol.. yet still retain sub-conscious all the way.. Guess this year birthday will be just another day at work. x) Happy early birthday to myself.

Its 12.00am 30/09/11. All i want to do to give u a call and say happy birthday, but i dun have the gut to do so, as knowing that u won't pick up the call it only will make my heartache.. So, .. Silently... i wanna wish u a happy beloved birthday, all the best in ur life. *heart and hugs, :) Ur 16th http://i1119.photobucket.com/albums/k639/Jere0407/DSC02515.jpg And your 18th http://i1119.photobucket.com/albums/k639/Jere0407/DSC00794.jpg

Had the sweetest dream yesterday. :) a dream that i don't wanna wake up from. i dreamt about us. just me and you and how u cheerish every second of my life. But however it still just a dream, there's a second there were i opened my eye and thought everything is real, until i realize the next second, u weren't here anymore. felt some bitterness inside my heart and hope that i would live my dream once again. hmm.. IMY.

"We ignore one another& try to pretend the other doesn't exist, But Deep Down, We both know it wasn't supposed to end this like this. " I know my mind had move on, but my heart doesn't think that way. I miss u still.

Here we go again. in a blink of an eye, time flies and its end of the month. and its been 2 years. Don't even know why am i still blogging for. lol. but at least i can tell what i wanted to tell without any1 knowing it. heh, hopefully no1 is reading this. Oh well, yea.. eventhough i don't wanna admit it. but i know the fuck-up side of me is missing her damn much. after she left, there's this big hole inside of me, which i tried so many ways to cover it back up but, after time goes and effort put into action. nothing much changes, except the distance. Been wondering to myself lately, what if that day i dint make that mistake? Life would goes like this :- finish work, find gf chill - weekend and feeling hype? take off on fri and drive down to some beach side or wherever just you and me, 3 days 2 nights break. - feeling down in the night? just a phone call and u'll be beside me hugging me through the night. - after salary payroll, bring you to shopping and buy u something ...

Like i said, im tired of being alone. it may sound crazily fun to be single, but its actually quite lonely. Eg. 1) no1 to say goodmorning goodnight, or to wake some1 up in the morning or talk some1 else to bed. 2) phone doesn't ring often, and how much u wishing it to ring or even to ring some1 for reason or no reasons. 3) hard to find some1 to by urside when u really need somebody. im so fed up of finding people to company me go shopping that i'll just have to do it by myself. YES, alone. 4) time to time, how much i wishes i could use all my salary to buy something for that someone that worth it, just to see her smile at least. =) 5) stilll a lot more reason why im tired of being alone. FML, im in the #foreveralone list. =( p/s. how much i wish u were here and doesnt hate me. imylbb..