confession

did what i suppose to did a while ago. i taken out the 1st step and i aint backing down. gonna go to the max on year 2012.

Fallen in

Officially admit to myself that i'd already fallen for u. wishing one day u'll be mine. :) so i can wipe those sad tears away from u once and for all.

crush on you

you know, it isnt really easy to be your good friend you know? since when is the time where i treated some1 so nicely. since when i started to smile everytime i see ur texts and all my frens is like screwing me, 'wtf jeremy is smiling when he's looking at the phone. confirm is cheryl' since when, i started to laugh and smile on every stupid lil thing u do even its not funny. since when i had a crush or should i say i fall for some1 so deep? hmm.. i got no idea... maybe is just a feeling ? or is it for real this time? i really wanna find out, and i really hope that u would be the one.

but. after knowing u for sometimes.. i feel that im incompatible with all ur previous bf.. i not as handsome as them, rich as them, caring as them, knowing ur every single details part of ur life as them... but u know what? if u're the one. then i will fight, fight for everything i got in my life for u.

seriously, i tripped into your life and i'm fallen for you. i would wanna tell this to you straight to your face someday. i love you..

Note To You

Know that you're playful, so am i.

If u wanna play with me, i dun mind playing the game with you.

But just...

Don't mess with my heart.. Its fragile.

singapore trip!

woo.. is been 2 months since i last update the blog, eventhough knowing no1 else will be reading it . ahha.

anyway, last min planned trip to singapore! suggested on sunday, decided by thurs and trip on fri midnight. planned to depart 5am, but usual lah malaysia timing, depart only by 6. dint really get any sleep at all cause poker night till 1am and cheryl crashing by my place we talk talk talk talk till 430a.m. ==

dint really go visit any singapore places, just gone there to shop n to chill.. :) reached by 1.30pm den lunch at orchard, with beer.. fk.. 9dollar for a erdinger in some nice bistro. if im earning and spending 1:1 damn hell is good to be a singaporean. but system sometimes quite fk up. hahahah.. sibeh stress, cnt litter cnt spit and everywhere no smoking.

anyway, after lunch den we went bugis for some shopping n ate some freaky exp and shit steamboat chicken rice. den only check in hotel. grand copthorn waterfront 5 star! take a quick bath and dressed up n off for some night life. ! went to lobby, asked the corciege for a cab, and we smoke and go toilet, den estimating the cab will be arriving 5 min. freaking likey the life of living #likeaboss . but unfortunately the line are too bz cnt get thru. :( bo bian ask joseph fetch us to clark quay.. 1st time i see a pub that is NO SMOKING. wtf where got ppl drink but no smoke!! beh tahan singapore. everywhere no smoke. == anyway, chilled with her n her frens till 3am and back to hotel for some good rest.

suppose to be at universal studio on the 2nd day but due to too tired n need more rest. we slept till 1040am, n its raining. so plan cancel.. went for breakfast and then paragon and orchard for shopping again.. wah. spent alot today. left sg at 730 and reach mlc at 930 for dinner, and home at 2am. after sending her to her fren funeral. hmm. sad case 21 yrs old girl passed away this young. somehow ruined her mood for the holiday. god bless.

thats about all. spent almost all my money d, and no more partying this month.. i hope.. == xmas eve, new yr eve, total freedom 6 days in home coz parent n bro sis not around summo bro go indon 3 weeks. wtf can throw party d my house. hahhahaa..

goodnight! <3

Happy birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF.. just turn 21, fucking official to do wtvr fuck i wanna do.. dint actually did much today, been having my classroom training all day, and told 2 diff date i can't make it cause i wanna have a nice family dinner. and i expect my mum to cook at least nice for my celebration..

But sadly, dissapointed to the max. din't even cook rice when i starve my way back home at 630pm.. and ended up fried bihun and fried rice.. summo wanna nag me when i wanna celebrate bday with my fren, wtf right. make me damn sad only.. lucky there's a last min plan with the gang, and off to beer fact to chill.. had a couple glasses of beer, and my 1st birthday cake since 17th birthday... :)

and played some fucking disguisting true or dare game with my best girl friend around the town and she made me drink some fucking beer + chocolate + cheese cake. and get girl num and take off my belt. urgh.. thats what i get for going easy on her.. i will pay back.. some other day. xD

Good night peeps. 4 more hours to sleep.

Pre-Birthday celebration

And here's a picture of my hot sis at the other night. :)

Here's a picture of me and some random lady with cheryl.

Okay, had my pre-birthday celebration at mist with the gang... haha.. fucking gone all out tonight.. It will be better and a hot hot night if she could join me tonight.. i hate it when she ffk.. urgh!! and i had a lot of fun and finally is been years since i last drunk. they were amaze how many shots and glasses i need to drink to get drunk. lol.. yet still retain sub-conscious all the way.. Guess this year birthday will be just another day at work. x) Happy early birthday to myself.

Happy birthday

Its 12.00am 30/09/11.

All i want to do to give u a call and say happy birthday, but i dun have the gut to do so, as knowing that u won't pick up the call it only will make my heartache..

So, ..

Silently... i wanna wish u a happy beloved birthday, all the best in ur life. *heart and hugs, :)

Ur 16th

http://i1119.photobucket.com/albums/k639/Jere0407/DSC02515.jpg

And your 18th

http://i1119.photobucket.com/albums/k639/Jere0407/DSC00794.jpg

It's only just a dream

Had the sweetest dream yesterday. :) a dream that i don't wanna wake up from. i dreamt about us. just me and you and how u cheerish every second of my life.

But however it still just a dream, there's a second there were i opened my eye and thought everything is real, until i realize the next second, u weren't here anymore. felt some bitterness inside my heart and hope that i would live my dream once again. hmm.. IMY.

Things we had for each other.

"We ignore one another& try to pretend the other doesn't exist,

But Deep Down,

We both know it wasn't supposed to end this like this. "

I know my mind had move on, but my heart doesn't think that way.

I miss u still.

I love you, still.

Here we go again. in a blink of an eye, time flies and its end of the month. and its been 2 years.

Don't even know why am i still blogging for. lol. but at least i can tell what i wanted to tell without any1 knowing it. heh, hopefully no1 is reading this.

Oh well, yea.. eventhough i don't wanna admit it. but i know the fuck-up side of me is missing her damn much. after she left, there's this big hole inside of me, which i tried so many ways to cover it back up but, after time goes and effort put into action. nothing much changes, except the distance. Been wondering to myself lately, what if that day i dint make that mistake? Life would goes like this :- finish work, find gf chill

- weekend and feeling hype? take off on fri and drive down to some beach side or wherever just you and me, 3 days 2 nights break.

- feeling down in the night? just a phone call and u'll be beside me hugging me through the night.

- after salary payroll, bring you to shopping and buy u something i couldnt afford den budget for the whole month which i really feel worth cause at least thats what i can do to pamper u.

- fri night and feeling wild? heh, bet u'll be on ur hottest dress and me in my handsome suit and we can hit the club or find some really chillex place to get drunk.

Used to imagine life with you in the future when you was with me, but even after u left, sometimes i still imagining life would be like if you were still around. and baby, i really wish u to know how much i still miss and love you after all these years. :'( and i would give up everything in this world to have u back with me. seriously, i fucking miss my lil brown bear.

P/s i love you.

tired of being alone.

Like i said, im tired of being alone. it may sound crazily fun to be single, but its actually quite lonely.

Eg. 1) no1 to say goodmorning goodnight, or to wake some1 up in the morning or talk some1 else to bed.

2) phone doesn't ring often, and how much u wishing it to ring or even to ring some1 for reason or no reasons.

3) hard to find some1 to by urside when u really need somebody. im so fed up of finding people to company me go shopping that i'll just have to do it by myself. YES, alone.

4) time to time, how much i wishes i could use all my salary to buy something for that someone that worth it, just to see her smile at least. =)

5) stilll a lot more reason why im tired of being alone. FML, im in the #foreveralone list. =(

p/s. how much i wish u were here and doesnt hate me. imylbb..

Pics. (dun bother asking why the picture is ruined, must be something wrong with the uploads

Sight at kenyir lake

our houseboat

toilet.

gua bewah

sungai cacing

handsome with the fish.

foot massage. =D

cannonball!

waterfall

tarzan!

3 days in the wild

yea, i just went kenyir lake last fri night with the company and some of my fren. and it was awe---someness. i'll be writting down what i had gone through in a sequence manner. :D

Fri-midnight: worked all day as well as night, then went for a yc section with ly. took off from klang at 12am and picked up adrian and saimun, den we meet with the others at gombak toll at 1.30am. den all the way down to terrenganu, 7 hours plus of long drive! stopped by twice though, and lucky adrian was there to switch drive with me when it comes to kampung road where u cant drive 140-150km/h hahaha..

Sat- early morning 10am, reached the jetty and up to the houseboat, 1st destination 4 hours boat journey to gua bewah. so i slept under the hot sun to wait, cause the ldr dint tell us that we can go to our room. =.= thats how i get my sun burn. nothing much is gua bewah, just really stink with bat shits and pitch dark caves which i cant see anything without my torchlight. after then we stopped by sungai cacing for some river bath, and i bath again after i come back to boat. which i think its cleaner but.. the boat pump to lakewater up to be used on the boat.. eventually its the just lam pa pa lan ny. xD after that it was fishing all night long. Dint get a nible all night, untill the time where i thought my fish bait is gone and im trying to pull back the string. *bend! suddenly my rob gives my a big bend and i grabbed the handle straight thinking of just pulling him up from the water straight. fuih, but fact it he's pulling me back down instead. when i soften my strength on handle, it reverse back as the fishing is pulling away from me. i had a 5 min fight with the fish. and the fish is almost on the surface when the hook break-free from the fish. damn! dissapointment. =( but it was a real challege, as i believe thats a 3kg fish at least. rest of the night ended with heineken.

sunday- took off from sungai cacing and all the way to the place where u can play with the fish name 'kelah'. reached the jetty and then up on a speedboat, all the way to the inside of the forest then an hour of jungle trekking with my slipper just to find where those fishes are. but it was fun. haha. they'll suck ur toe in thinking it was a fish food. but they got no teeth so it arent pain. upload the photos later in blogpost. or u can go and see it on my facebook. =)

after that, we went to the water fall. when we reach there 1st thing 1st... CANNONBALL! *jumped to the lake from the top of the boat. haha. den we take a swim to a small waterfall in 200m away. fuih. == look near but its like damn far for swimming, took a rest on the rocks at the side, den me adrian and saimun saw a fella struggling not far away from us. first i thought he's just playing den after few struggle, adrian said, 'eh, i dont think so he can d le. faster go save him.' den splash. saimun went 1st and i was behind him! when saimun reached that fella, that fella pull and pressed saimun down for air as he's too panic, thus making them both drowning together. then! the hero came. i grabbed his neck and push it to the surface for air, *press... =.= he pressed me down to the water also.. but lucky i can hold my breathe. i swim beneath the water and same time pushing his neck to the surface and brought him to the rock area. *shade on. my first time saving ppl. hahaha.

after that we lepak around and went for the big waterfall inside the forest, we swim around and the water current is so strong that when the water hit me from the top, it tend to pushes me back down to the water and current almost wash me away. T_T to a very rocky area that i might knock myself and die. then we struggle our way thought the other end of the waterfall just ti reach the rocky area where it looks like a slide and strong current is washing down on it. den one by one, we goes up and slide down on the rocky area. haha. syiok! we did some tarzan action as well. swing and splashed into the water. =) awesome..

BBQ after that, and then went back the waterfall area at 10pm to fish. and it was pitch black when all the torchlight is off, but night time there're alot of fishes. but i dint caught one also. T_T

same.. ended the night with heineken..

monday,took off and headed straight back to kl, stopped by dungun for lunch and kemaman for lekor and otak otak. :D i'll be back, with a better rod and better technique, fish.

A pathway to choose

currently.. im in dilemma whether wanna leave aviation anot. sigh. couldnt see the future in it.. and there a job for me in singapore. and i dun know wanna take it up anot. some1 teach me what to do..!!!!!! theres so many stress making me collapsing and sickness strike summo! fml..

I dint know why im so keen on working also now.. maybe there's peer pressure im facing and im not good enough to handle it myself. sigh.. planned to study one.. but theres no time for me to do so. as i set my goal d, 5k per month on the age of 25 and 10k per month by the age of 30.. im going use $ as a motivator instead of job statisfaction.. anyway, im stil young.. just hope i pass all my 13 module easa so they can last forever.. if not, the current 9 paper would last me another 2 years before all of them expired. :( FML! i need somebody to go through all these shit with me.

heartaches and regrets.

been a while since i ever see that face of urs, or even heard anything from u. haiz, really misses u alot. Do u rmbr? the song, miss u like crazy from natalie cole and superwoman? 5 years back... it was the 1st song and 2nd song u ever recommended me to hear. and the lyrics.. really bring back alot of images from the past. :'(

i misses the time when i open my eye in the morning, :) and sees the sweetest thing that make me dun wanna get up from the bed. IMY, lbb.

:)

"I've come to realize that we never stop loving the people who leave. We just stop needing them

like we used to."

It might take u a while to release ur fist of grudge, but hey... i got all the time i need in this world. :) as i ain't going anywhere without u.

Failure, i am

Still cant find my track of career, still lost. failure in managing my financial, failure in managing my diet for body building(omfg just had a burger ayam special), failure in my studies, and failure in a relationship, a failure to date new girls out, even a failure at moving on. sigh. a long way to go if i have to list out my failure list.

Haiy, how much i hope, 1 day when i received a text, ur name and face will appear on it. but that kind of hope seems hopeless. right? another hopeless part of me.

The Climb

hoho! conquer mount. Angsi for the 3rd time d. no more challenge. =/

anyway, went for the climb again on monday cause my bud, chun hien and wai hoh here nvr hike b4. so, me, jl, kel, and sean company them for another hike. it was fun as usual. this time we went on super fast speed, started 11am and reached the summit at 2.15pm. rested up for 45 min and down down here we go. stopped by the stream for a drink, and wtf are they thinking to walk down stream. but tak sampai 50meter already patah balik cause current too strong and the rocks are hurting our bare foot.

Then, we stopped by half way for a bath at the stream. well, they bath lar. i take pict ny. haha. by 6pm we're already down hill and off to seremban for steamboat. tired like hell but stil went for work the second day.

finishing my internship d. tmr last day interview, but im so lost. sigh. dun know wanna do well or sucks in the interview. cause if i do good, i might become permanent but cfm56. i'd nvr touched that engine b4. i was in Pw4000 series all the while, a contract for 6 month will do while i waiting for september intake. but contract also will be divided to cfm and pw. hmm. headache. meantime im thinking deeply whether to continue my degree anot, cause idk why i barely see progression in aviation. so as other engineering field. fuck lar. guide me pls some1.

Wrong Turn or Faith?

i wonder from time to time, 'wtf am i doing in this aviation industry anyway? arent gonna be any future for us chinese in aviation. as MAS(the only company who provide type rated license course in Malaysia) [which is what u need to earn big $ in aviation] are more likey to send their own 'race' to it only. Sigh.

I got my aim i got my dream, my aim? earn at least 10k by age of 30. my dream? being happy with my love's one. no matter what i do. But can i really make those aim and dream come true with the current dilemma and in this tough industry? hmmm..

why am i in aviation at the first place anyway? to Think back, i wasnt a guy that know anything about aircraft, or traveling or whatever thing about aircraft. i dun even know how's a Boeing 737 look like anyway even until i finish my course. (perhaps that may show u my 'intrest' in aviation). But why do i choose this field back then?

Hmm.. started back when there's this one special fella, that always tell me about her dream to travel around, going places to places. and me? thinking ways to make that happen in the future? best way? me become the 'driver' myself and bring her to places, with sufficient financial freedom. Pilot is my best occupation if i wanna realize that dream of her's. But, failed to get scolarship, self-paid too expensive (250k and fyi lucky i nvr pay myself, there's 700 fresh grad pilot who is un-employ ) well, was in education fair, walking around. den saw this college promoting aircraft engineering and telling me how high is their engineer paid and how they can enjoy privileges from airliner as well. Im thinking, why not become an aircraft engineer and maybe try applying for pilot as well? This, i got the advantage from the others form5 fresh grad?

And here i am now. =) finished my course, no pilot scolarship dropping from the sky, realize how devastating is aviation field if u dun get ur Type Rated License in aviation, and gone through all those for someone which is already not here.

#fml.

P/s Im still wondering.

wonders

have you ever wonder, if u ever given 3 wishes by a genie, or maybe a time capsule to travel back to the past for few days or maybe more? what will u do?

for me, i'll wish for the world not ending so soon yet(if it were to happen soon due to the mother nature rampage recently) 2nd, i'll wish for every1 to get healthy or maybe wish a couple of billions to spend? thirdly, maybe send me back 2 yrs ago? time flies, and everything seems to fade, but i wish something aren't. maybe there's something that lasts longer than it seems?

well, i hope so though.

!@#$ *slap slap*

back to reality jeremy. back to reality.

Complains again. x)

Lately there's been a lot going through my mind, the past, the present and the future.

sigh. wanna go for a vacation also hard. guy friends tak boleh pakai, girl friends also tak boleh pakai, even last time when i still have my love one also always tak jadi. how much i wish, there's some1 always here for me. fuck it lar.

Time flies and is been 5 month since i start my training. now going on the last month. 2 permanent vacant opened and 4 contract(hopefully) and there's 10 of us. some1 got to go. hopefully it wont be me. wanna try to get permanent, but if i get it. i will be attach to CFM56 section and i dun like it there as im attached to PW4000 section since 1st day. and the people around there arent friendly also. sigh. idk lar, hopefully i get a job and earn 2-3k per month and get my own credit card(for display only) =)

Financial freedom here i come. =D .. .. too bad there's no1 until now i find worth spending all my $$ on.

lost

I'm Lost in this world without u redirecting me , advicing me, nagging me. what should or what shouldn't i do.

which path to take, which occupation to choose, what to study for further education?

or maybe those tiny thingy like what movie to watch? which place should we go ? where to eat? or maybe beer night or liquor night? =)

i seriously hate making decision for myself, but i guess i got to learn to like it from now on. or at least till i found some1 which can make those decision for me. hmm..

P/s going to bed very emotionally. i wish i had a stronger heart.

CNY

money ar money, why u so hard to earn...

gamble ar gamble, why u always wan me to lose money..

sigh... not a good year lor. no gamble luck as always as my lucky star arent around me for 2 years dy, nvr win since then. == buy big open small, buy small open big, buy banker open player, buy player.. open banker.

seriously fml, i swear i will quit those gambling dy...

and liquor and beer. why u both so addictive? my money always flow towards u all? hopefully i can live a newer leaf after this cny. and pray my australia interview success, then i will say bye bye to malaysia. =)

p/s i think about u today. sweet. x)

To my beloved ah gong.

Is a sudden for every1 of us that u just gone like that, but i believe u're somewhere up there watching us everytime. :')

A lil bit something about us and my grandfather.

well, as i remember. i'd never really like him when i was small, cause there's a reason why every1 call him 'tiger' as nickname. haha. cause he's fierce thats y. everytime like to scold us. dont let us watch cartoon. cause he wanna watch football which i think is stupid cause seeing 22 people in the field kicking the ball up and down for 2 hours. ==" and always heard story from my parent and aunts and uncle that he used to beat them up when they are small. lol. nvr been nice to my grandmother too. everytime ignore her if not den scold her. even till now they still like to argue. but i guess thats the way they like to communicate. but lately these years. his anger goes off dy. started to JOKE, which i nvr remember seeing him do that when im small. and he always caring for us. like to ask my parent, where eng thien(me) went, where alicia went, where ernest go, why nelson havent come back. and always like to go buy A LOT A LOT of durians and fruits when he gone for his bird catching stuff.

Everyone in the family started to get along very well these years. he love my newborn cousins, always carry them, play with them. even when my aunt dun let her daughter that like to eats a lot eat. grandpa will always tell my aunt. "let her eat lar" , and recently always cook those 'idk what disguisting' stuff. and ask us drink that instead of tea or water. what to do. *close nose and gulp it down. he might not good at showing some love, but i know inside him. he loves every1 of us. trying to protect and care every of his family member everytime.

He even love my fifi. hah. everytime rain. my fifi will bark cause she's scare. den he will go inside my room and carry her out to the living room. put beside him and tell her to sleep while petting her. now whose gonna take care of her during rain when u're gone?! :'( fifi wears the white band too, to memorable and mourn for u.

Hmm.. U been taking medicine very frequent, eating those herb, etc. every1 thought u're coming back at night for dinner when u gone to hospital u know? why u no come back. why ur son and daughter come back from ireland and australia u dun wanna see them? why u dint buy laptop for alicia while u promise her to do so when she get 10A for her spm? why u dint wait for my marriage? why u have to go when u still got tons of things havent do? :'(

Ah gong, i never got a chance to tell u this. but i love you. and im sorry that i couldnt carry up my responsibilty as grandson to care for u. please rest in peace in heaven. i'll always remember u.

skipped work!

yea! i ponteng work today and fake it to my parents too. == but what the hell. is just internship. =D

went to pyramid to do a lil shopping with jun leong and den wai hoh come tag along after we're all done. damn sien lar pyramid nowadays. nth to buy. den went to IOI boulevard's library soft lauch. freee flow!! but guess our money is flowing instead. so damn pack tat i could just manage to get a glass of beer myself only. lol. and jl bought us hoegarden to share. :) ya, hoegarden still can't beat leffe brune. and idk why so many ppl are crazy about it. we chao after a lil while coz inside really feel uncomfy.

went to play pool and then mamak with the gang. me, jl, wh, kel and kh. :D we this 5 fella really really damn long nvr group together like this dy. and we was talking, laughing. =) and talked til shopping. lol. this yr theme is AX and braun buffel. xD AX shirt wh, kh and jl also get dy. kel got his tommy hillfinger shirtsss dy. so he not plannin to follow the theme this yr. den wh just got his braun buffel today and kh got it since 'idkwhen' kel got his dy. im gonna get mine all next week! but still im feeling so broke lar. maybe i club too much. =/ seriously i need to cut down on expenses, (thou im still going tmr, wtf) . and langkawi trip also! argh... got gf time spend a lot, no gf time spend lagi worse. hopelessly jeremy. night! i changed my shift to morning tmr and i got 4 more hours to sleep. all for the sake so i can go club tmr night with the ladies. :D cool sia! bye night!