Last Post

As what the title said, this will be the last time i posting in this blog. Reason? I'm all over sad and heartbroken life from the past as i'd already found a future who i can live with. I might not understand her well and good enough to provide her the happiness, i know that she's trying hard to suppress her 'whatsoever bad things' to please me sometimes. cause she promise not to hurt me like how my pasts hurt me. Doing things that offending to her parents, being at the best she can so i will love her more. Extreme diet plan to slim down so she can look as hot as she can when i bring her out and make me feel proud. How silly of her. Doesn't she know that all i ever want is some one who can love me for the rest of my life? i doesn't need her to be hot, or whatever. Just love me, and i' promise i will love you back. :) I LOVE YOU

2nd Last Post of the Blog.

The broken heart start to beat again on Oct 15th, The day when it all start, how i get drunk cause is my Happy Fucking birthday, and how you get drunk cause is your heartbroken day. till the moments, where we start hanging out, drinking, chilling, traveling around, having some sleepover from time to time. It make me feel comfortable, and then i realize that i was in love all over again. Though, knowing that you're not that kind of girl that will stick around by myside, yet i still been trying hard and not giving up until i manage to get your heart. And it was a long run.. and it kills me day by day knowing that you're not home, outside drinking with some else random guy. Jealousy does kill when you care so much about that person. Really make me feel like giving up, slowly you're straying away. and so do i. I don't know whats real or whats fake anymore. So, i decided to stop this foolishness of me. No point strangling myself knowing that I ain't the one that gonna make you smile everyday, having those flirt talk and make you give a damn. 10 months gone by, and this shows that We're just another passer-by in each other life. :'( P/S I really do love you all these while. But letting you go is best for the both of us.

Feeeeeel so close to you

The moment when heart is racing like a bullet train when i hold you. <3 Damn cute when you're jealous, and i'm jealous about each other. HAHA. Epic moment, when we have wine, ciggy and Mr.bean episode IN THE BATHROOM. Every moment every second make me feel so LAM just by thinking about it. :) Had my confession toward you, so. What's next?

Boy in your life

Yea, am wishing i'm the boy that you're talking about.. the one who you miss, the one who you want. :'( but i'm just another boy thats passing by your life. Acting as if doesn't matter, but didn't you know how much it hurt inside me? Really want to be that guy for you, but no point forcing if you doesn't feel the same way i do for you. No words said for me to wait, or no action made for me to see. :'( i miss you really i do.

In your mind

Had a very very bad nightmare yest morning when i was sleeping in the car after a bit of arguement with you. hmm... didn't expect those words will hurt me that badly till a tear shed. sigh. still a torn in my heart. sometimes, i really really don't know what the fuck im doing. seeing things i shoudn't be seeing, knowing things i shouldn't be knowing, hurting myself without a valid reason.. loving some1 who doesn't seems to gaf. You didn't know how much u meant to me, when i say i love you. i wasn't flirting and i ain't lying. is a very strong term to use. and i'm not afrad of telling it to the whole world. but you're screwing me for things i said from my sincere heart and acting as if it doesn't matter. then acting as if im alright. sometimes hot, sometimes cold. i really don't know what you're thinking. having a crush on some1 that didnt give a fuck about you, and neglected that some1 who will give up the world for u. seriously? acting as if i'm alright though my heart is hurting . i ain't superhuman. :'( no matter how strong my feeling, how metal hard is my heart. feeling will still fade, and metal will still corrode. not appreciating everything infront and regreting it someday after knowing who seriously love you? maybe? maybe not. Everything about you remain a question mark to me.

It's hard

It's hard to love someone without getting loved back the same way. hmm.. like i said. It's hard. dunno how long my weak heart can tahan. Everytime is just hot and cold. How to love you fully when you don't even open up your heart and let love in? Care you, den let you say i cheong hei. fine. won't CARE anymore. still. You're the one i think of before going to bed, heart feeling uncomfortable and insomnia everytime until i know you're home safe. couldn't deny there's a part in me that's very protective. Always say u can take care yourself, always meeting out with stranger, but didn't u know that there's a lot of bad guy that will take advantage of you just like that? they can make you drunk, or they can even put drug inside your cup and make u knock off? U didn't know cause maybe u never experience before. how easy it is to get my hand on drug and drug some random lady and take them home if i want to. Sigh, suan le ba. who am i to be taking care of you till this extent of level. i Couldn't even take care of myself.

You'll never know how it feels till it hurt.

Stucking around by your side whenever you need me. Disappear from your sight whenever i'm not needed. not being some1 special eventhough i tried hard. but it's okay. :) love is not something you give out and expect to receive something else back. i well known myself is not prepare for you. i'd got no aim in life, i'm currently jobless, well. not rich, and spirit all broken down like a piece of shit at home only. failed my exams, which suppose to be my last light to life. hmm... feel i couldn't acoomplished anything in life. i feel so useless. :'( and i couldn't do a shit to help it.

how it feels like when we had our wings

Others say, you're too wild, too easy going, everyguy come also ngam. come on. give it a break, u're just 20 going on 21 right ? :) i know how it feels when you started to fly. All you want is to go high and higher and higher.. want to go all out. party, rebellious, drink until you can't remember how u get back, just drink yourself away for the night, 1st round 2nd roucd, 3rd round.

i believe every1 that come out to 'meet the society' also got that moment before trying to settle down. Ya, even a bird also settle down, after they lay their eggs right? then busy finding worms for their chicks and throwing them off tree branches to teach them how to fly. Everything happen for a reason. Just to let you know, you're the reason why i slow down since the past year. but seems like you're just about to pick up to higher altitude that moment. we're both going on different side of the slope, one rise another drop. taking us both to different spot in the end. slowly setting apart, we talked lesser, hang lesser, laugh like hell lesser, maybe you've met another few rising slope along the graph as well? but is okay. :)

who knows, you might be a sinusoidal wave. started off at 0 slowly rise till peak and drop back to 0, then toward the negative peak again and back to 0. don't worry. i'm at the negative peak now and hopefully soon will rise back to 0. and making sure i'm there to catch u when u go down to negative, and help u to get back to 0. thats apart of life arent it?

Goodnight. :'( i really miss you.

how it feels like when we had our wings

Others say, you're too wild, too easy going, everyguy come also ngam. come on. give it a break, u're just 20 going on 21 right ? :) i know how it feels when you started to fly. All you want is to go high and higher and higher.. want to go all out. party, rebellious, drink until you can't remember how u get back, just drink yourself away for the night, 1st round 2nd roucd, 3rd round.

i believe every1 that come out to 'meet the society' also got that moment before trying to settle down. Ya, even a bird also settle down, after they lay their eggs right? then busy finding worms for their chicks and throwing them off tree branches to teach them how to fly. Everything happen for a reason. Just to let you know, you're the reason why i slow down since the past year. but seems like you're just about to pick up to higher altitude that moment. we're both going on different side of the slope, one rise another drop. taking us both to different spot in the end. slowly setting apart, we talked lesser, hang lesser, laugh like hell lesser, maybe you've met another few rising slope along the graph as well? but is okay. :)

who knows, you might be a sinusoidal wave. started off at 0 slowly rise till peak and drop back to 0, then toward the negative peak again and back to 0. don't worry. i'm at the negative peak now and hopefully soon will rise back to 0. and making sure i'm there to catch u when u go down to negative, and help u to get back to 0. thats apart of life arent it?

Goodnight. :'( i really miss you.

#1

Missing u everynight and making myself wondering whose is the lucky guy that running through your mind instead of me, heh. seriously, its killing me softly bit by bit. Though, i still hope u can see what i did for u, and what i ask for is for u to be happy. Guess that how stupid i am huh? :) Definition of love for me? as long as she is happy. that's all that matter. if i couldnt be the one that provide u such thing, i will sincerely wish u found it on some1 that worth your loving. :') seriously nothing can put a fucking big smile on my face just by looking at you.

Things to wonder?

Today, she asked me. What will change in her life if she got a bf now.
Well, I answer her these few.
1st . U will lose some of your freedom but gain more love in exchange
2nd. U won't be going out drinking like is no tmr unless ur bf is same or worst drinker than u
3rd. U will have more emo days and happy days. Cause of arguement , fights, jealousy and how the ways he tam u back
4th. U'll get fatter no doubt 😁
5th. Lesser pig dog friends and flies around u
6th. U'll get engage and marry soon if ngam key.
7th. U'll break a lot of guys heart un intentionally
And lastly, I won't be bugging u and finding u often edi.

Though, what i really want it to be and tell her is
1st. I'll give u all the love in this world as long as your heart loses it freedom and stay with mine.
2nd. Definitily will be drinking together until we grow old. XD
3rd. The same as above but I'll be the one that think of every single trick to tam u until u'll forgive me. ;)
4th. I'll cook good food for u every morning when u wake up and dinner served when u're back from work.
5th. Lesser pig dog friend around us. As i'll prove myself worthy enough to take care and love u until the last breathe of air I breathe in.
6th. I wanna marry you an grow old with u someday . :)
7th. you'll break my heart if the one I mention that do all those things with u wasn't me.
8th. I'll really leave u alone if your heart wasn't with mine. But you'll always be something else in my heart. Cause dumbass, i really fall for u but I didn't know u're blind enough to not notice it or what. Even though I know I'm not good enough for u. And what I have Now isn't as good as what your other options have. But give me some times cause I ain't playing horse in this matter anymore. Really hope to earn enough money to open a wedding studio and u can manage the sales while me , refine my photography skill and become the photographer . X) simple yet happy life.

But what I only can do now, :) heh, is like how I'm treating u now. Maybe rough on the surface but just want to let u know I'm all soft inside and what i want u to be is happy and safe.

P.S 玩暗恋真辛苦。

love game

Eventhough i know you're not that type of girl that will be sticking around talking about forever. but i just couldn't give myself a reason to give up. :( feels as if its the game i used to play, but right now, instead of me playing it, u had me playing in your's. sighh,... what to do what to do. jealousy kill me T_T couldn't stand it. isn't it that hard just to find someone to love and be loved?

true or false

rumours, true or false, right or wrong, exist or not. well, simple minded guy like me just got one simple solution with all these shits, i think i feel and i believe what i see. and no rumours gonna affect my thoughts toward u.


just heard boss talk about his bali trip and all. heh, thought of bringing u together as well. maybe june? :) see how it goes. really feel comfortable when u're around with me. miss u. and goodnight.

surprise feeling ruin!!

argh,! already planned to buy for u since long d, but why u keep mentioning to me sponsor half? @@ later when i buy give u, the surprise feeling also ruin lo. =__=

man, things me will do for some1 i really like. eventhough my chance of being with u for the rest of the life is slim for now, but i will try wtvr it takes to make the chance to a confirmation. #nevergiveup!

hold on? let go?

Just when i finally fallen to some1 else. but it seems like she might not be the right one after-all. couldn't cope up with her too active social lifestyle and her popularity :( make me feel kinda uneasy(maybe jealousy?) sigh.. 4 days never see her d., talk also talk very less cause she's busy..

i just don't know should i continue making myself suffer n wait till she realize me someday, or i should just let go?

Missing u badly. T_T making me restlessly checking my phone all the time and couldn't fall asleep cause u just keep running thru my mind. i miss you.


Btw, just done my cny shopping last minute. Pokai d, 1 polo 1 shirt 1 shorts cost me 1k+ :( so hard to shop without elseone who used to shop with me every year. spent the 1st year doing it with cerd, 2nd year with fin and this year with joseph. :( still i prefer that somebody else that help me choose cloth n give me opinion about my bad sense of fashion all the time. hehe.

random :)

Been seeing u lesser recently. :( 1 week 3 times? urgh.. cause u're busy and im busy. ~_~ seriously no see u 5 hours already started to miss u. but thinking that this shit aint headin' to any direction, that kills.

Hoping that cny we'll head out somewhere nice to play and got time to be with u all day till night ^^

P/S IMY