Dairy Of A Broken Heart

(Im jz too poor to get new wan) have u ever seen slipper that are tat worn out??? wallet which are tat torn? and fon, i no comment, is old though.. but i still very bu sheh de to change them. Is been months, weeks and days, can some1 actually hate some1 dis much? really dun und why isit so fking big deal? fking childish mind that dun actually understand anything about love.. what u know is me treating u good and listening to every single fuck.. u just couldnt try to understand me like how i understand and tolerate you and fucking TRUSTED U!!! u said u wont leave, would forgive for everything, BLA BLA BULLSHIT. just FUCK it ok! i damn damn damn mother fucking piss of ur fucking retarded mind.. that think like a fucking kid, all u know is blamming me even until now, have u ever fucking blame yourself? u can trust a FUCK UP kid which is 2 years old smaller than u, and which u jz kn0 for 2 months and u can give everything to him, but u just cant trust a man which alwiz been by yourside s...

sorry, sorry.... sorry for everything, sorry for the day i let u go, sorry for the evening i chase u away, sorry for the morning you wake up without me beside u and giving you a morning kiss like i used to, sorry for the moment i not around to make penguin walk or etc to make you laugh, sorry im not around to hold your hand and hug you when you're cold, sorry for the day im not beside you and cheer u or share everything in your heart when you're sad.. and sorry that we broken up and i wasn't able and not capable to hold u back with me.. and lastly, im sorry that i wasn''t able to let you go so u can live normally without me.. i jz came back from maison and is was a fuck nite, lost in kl, again? and reach der 1am? and no table, until we get a table on 1.30am.. time is so short for me to party... sigh.. nvm... next time i will be more pro on kl road.. lol.. jz wish she's beside me, so that when i lost, i got some1 to guide me, to show me the road, to the path th...

ya, as u can see the title of this blog, i have a tough luck, no matter how many time i goes down, i stil manage to climb back up. dis apply to everything in my life, not only gamble, but education, social, and love. i nvr go down. ;) thurs(5th day of cny)- planned to go genting but mum wouldnt let, cause front tyre was as flat as taufu fa and it was raining heavily that day.. so, at nite, went to aunt house after waiting joseph from 9 to 11.30.. ended early today and we play smart this time. =) won a lil, Me and dai ka jie (yern) happy birthday! =) turtle!! xD after 1 and half glass of bombay~ =.= Fri(6th day) - done nth at noon, and went to celebrate dai ka jie birthday at seri cempaka hotel suite at cheras.. stop by pyramid to get her something b4 heading over there. really have fun, playing eventhough im not that completely blended into her frens all.. went back and reach home at 6.40am after mamak over there. Sat( 7th day)- went to jun house at nite, her steamboat open house, a...

3rd day of cny(tuesday)- shop reopened d.. have to work liao lur. went for kelvin house at the noon. after that went to aunt house to gamble at nite.. with joseph, share share play big big... 50 buck per hand... T.T it was like... 5mm thick after been compress of 50's and 10's thousand over at least.. den it all go away in the last 30 min... sad.. ending d, banker get a AA, 150 gone,.. den he call last 3 hand, lari one hand win one hand, last hand? 100 buck raise lar... MALOU~ Get AA again!!! 300 buck gone.. fly, weeee~~~~ T.T from 4 digit to 2 digit.. pathetic an0t? summo play til 5.30am. den i overnite at joseph house. 4th day of cny(wed)- kary came to find me at my shop and we go to kh house to sit and gamble, during the noon.. den 630 chao d cause hv to go work, =( and den nite go fetch kary again to kim zhang house for open house. Summary Current Losing $ -30th night, lose rm100 -1st day, lose rm 70 -2nd day, lose rm 30. -3rd day win 80 -4th day lose 130.

"Wee~ CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! " i hope i take back that thought.. not a really good year for me though, single valentine, lose $, etc. sigh. but we alwiz hope for da best right? =) 30th nite- sleep all day, cz cookie is finally over.. started gambling tat nite itself d.. and we have our complete family reunion, =) with some extra guest as well.. uncle from ireland back, aunt from aus back, grand parents, with 4 daughters, 4 sons of their with 28 grandchildren, with my bro korea's fren, L, barnie and jason, with cerdwin, jl, kh, ken, and kel all gather in my shop. =D guess there's jz 1 missing.. but she forever remains in my 1st day- went take ang pau, den gamble, den my mother side grandparents house, den at nite went to last uncle house and den kat's hse.. sorry that i mis out on kel hse. xD too bz d.. LoL.. had 3 cans of beer, with severalsssss glass of chivas.. stil.. == no feel... i wonder how good i can drink. alcoholic lvl? 2nd day- today, slept til 12+ den we...

Is da reunion night tonight, finally is chinese new year huh? i dunno~ is jz something is missing that makes me feel that this year new year is lagging... m0ney? no ar.. i stil got enuf to spend, food? im on diet, but my mum stil cook nice dishes which makes me carve for more, alcohol? is free flow tonite babe, hardcore liquor from korea which i really cant take cause it too hardcore for me, but we stil got beer.. =) family? no ar, this year every1 is here, include my big aunt from aus and last uncle from ireland and jason, L and barnie from korea which is my brotha fren.. including cerd, kh, jl and kel and ken also here tonite.. just.. something is missing that makes me feel this year new year very empty, i dint even saw any firecracker tonite, cz im jz too moody to walk out from my chair the whole nite. sigh.. and i even lose 100 d, even b4 1st day of new year, where's my lucky star? i really cant win without her, cant live without thinking of her. will u be back and make me win ...

everything has to done by chinese new year and valentine already been done... shopping done, clean house done, secret valentine project which is not so secret anymore, done.. and sending it to her without letting her see my face cz i know she'll break down, done... really don't und why sometimes human being have to do things which is not their heart wanted to do. be with some1 that she doesn't wishes to be, telling and lying her self all the time that she'll let me go and forget me while she know she can't do tat.. hmm... is life, u jz wanna quit cause of those past things? what happen to being together no matter what? what happen to love you forever and will forgive everything you've done? what happen to love instead of faking some1 else to be the one u wanted or uses him back instead? what happened to us when u let our love go? though i will be here, standing, waiting, loving, forever as my heart belongs to one and only one bad-ass ex gf of mine. =) i fking mi...

Wee~~ Last day of cookie ended~ what's next is chinese new year!! i can't smell the love around me dis year, most proberly i will stick to $ $ $ for 2010... cz im lacking of th0se... BADLY! paying for redang trip summo after cny~ DIE.... PO CHAN~~ haha... but boat alwiz auto matic straight when reach bridge end. so nth to worry about, as i can feel ppl are gonna GIVE me some $.. =D Cloth- (checked) Money-(Checked) V.Day gift-(checked) Physically prepared?-(NOT checked) PIMPLES~ are getting in my way of handsome-ness.. who gonna get attracted by me till then?! =( thhks to sleeping in da early morning these few days~ mon- slept 5 something, tues 6.10am and wed, 7.15am... == seems like i slept much earlier to earlier each day... all cz wanna get something done. WORTH IT for my pimple! hahah... Thurs nite?, 4am i will sleep... 15 min more~ sorry tat this post banyak rojak ar. cz... im feeling rojak today.. haha!

Officially, BROKE again.. == have da really conserve my $$ d.. spending $ like water. wtf.. 2 day outing include today, spend over 800+ Jz 2 OUTING!! and i barely bought things.. jz done my cny shopping, 2 nike socks, 2 G2Blue Polo-T, 2 radioactive pant, 1 Zara T-shirt and 1 CK shirt~ JZ these few item! $$ all gone!! T.T well, of cz, include my meal at Fullhse and tat chinese restaurant, den petrol, parking for maison which is da most exp parking my car ever park. rm15, and clubbling money which is jz 80~ 10% of total i spent! AND CNY IS NEAR!! FUCK~ T.T Went to shopping again with cerd after my exam which i jz found out yest. fly der cause my exam finish at 4.30. is kinda late d. reach mid by 530, meet up with cerd and we went shopping.. finally done all mine shopping, and cerd bought a Miss. Selfrige shirt which i feel is absolutely hot if wear with a short hot pant. xD and 2 MNG sweater for her trip to china. sleep over coll tonite, and fetching fren to LCCT later 5am. == lifeless....

I miss her so badly. I wanted to talk to her. ="( is very pain when i think about it, i thought i already can handle the fact that she's with an0ther kid now. but it ache my heart so much whenever i try to peek at that fact. ="( when when this nightmare end? will i got a chance to hear 'darling' ever again?

Sorry for neglecting my blog for severals days~ been too busy~ cause cny is coming, some1 would know the reason why~ went for shopping last two day, which is sat. went with cerd, my best gal fren. other than her, no1 would wanna go with me d lur~ even the one who is missing me? she rather stay at taska doing nth also wont wanna see me. sigh.. bought 2 pair of socks and 2 Polo tee only, and i fking hate CK shirt~ =( the cloth quality is like... rubbinized d wan.. wear tat time... ALL STICK TO UR BODY WAN!!! >. after that, back at 9, makan ZHG with cw at my shop, den gone for 2nd round~ hit maison with guan sheng to celebrate catherine 21st birthday bash~ haha.. bad impression i leave for her though, being late, cause got lost in kl' Again.... and chao without saying buh bye, cause i was too fking drunk to do it. went back in da morning, cause guan sheng and me was too coockcoo~ to drive.. xD slept in da car.. and got diu from my mummy.. =X Sunday life goes on as usual. and is mon...

Kelvin blog says, "you wouldn't know how much u need a person until u've lost em' " and i did realise, how much i need her after i lost her. but everythings seems to be too late to back to normal, too late to back to the time, where i don't need an alarm clock at all. cause she's always will wake me up on time, either to class, or wake me up to study at 5a.m. and go for my exam, with a kiss, with a breakfast, and with a smile on her face. n prepare my uniform for me, etc. :'( now, i have to live the life of waking up everyday without her squeezing beside me. she's da best thing ever to happen in my life, and i dun intend to let her slip away from me again, if i got a chance, she got the courage, to stand up for each other again. exam is on tmr, and i dun really got mood to study at all... i need a drink. ~.~ too many is going through my mind today. Fk up betul. and after sports, slept whole nite, wake up... = frustrating me. Fking broadband cant o...