Dairy Of A Broken Heart

Happy New Year Guys! is a brand new year, and jeremy is gonna have a new resolution. 1st. im gonna lose my tummy! 2nd. get my career right on its path 3rd. get a new gf. lol hope it'd be successful. haha. Last year, i'd count down at melaka, this year. == mist. as usual. gone with kenny, but joined leon and bump into beauly and leong which so call said they dun wanna go club on new year eve, but which my feeling tell me that mostly probably i'll see her there. drank alot yest, whisky, flaming lambo, and omfg wtf 4 shots of lemon drop. == thks god i nvr pass out cause im driving alone yest night. tel u all one funny thing. when i was resting at outing last night. i met this girl, which is take caring a total KO-ed guy. she talked to me and she was like, 'how, how, how. i 1st time to mist and we come 2 ppl only, and he KO d, + she dunno her way out and very bad in sense of direction till where their car park also she dunno' and she was babling about the guy always cl...

like i say, merry christmas every1. =) having a quiet and peaceful one this year. except the countdown part. lol. went the library@ecurve for counting down. had some leffe and some shot of graveyard over there. make us goes cuukoo after that. haha. and like u guys know, when ppl get lil bit of tipsy, they do crazy thing. so we decided to hit mistclub soon as the countdown over. and with a lil bit and lil that of my crazy driving skills. bet every1 balls shrink for good when we reach mist. haha. dance all night party all night and ended it with a maggie goreng. ;) alright, gtg for now. m gonna catch up my anime episodes. lol p/s picture are on my fb. =)

YEAH! no where in this world feels like home! =) finally back from genting after that 2 long weeks working in Genting. took a break from GE aviation. and now, back to my normal life. There's something i like about part time jobs is u get to knows alot of frens and get to see alot type of people. well, i made quite a bunch of new friends from this work, and =( i started to miss some of them already. but life got to move on. ;( Purposely come down from genting to attend Tracy's wedding dinner yest night at Centro imperial Ballroom. such a classy dinner, sure spent a fortune one. lol. met the bunch of secondary friends there. and darn. ~.~ beer+whitewine+goldlabel and 2nd round at spice girl. wtf, make me goes cuuckoo on job the next morning as i only slept for 2hour. so well, i better get some sleep now. =) gonna do some catching up at work tmr. kinda feel my handskill get rusty dy. goodnight world. P/S imy ;)

yes! i went there bitch and bastard. but not to party, but to work. =( starting of the event is slow, but when Dj goldfish and blink started. the atmosphere is getting kick in, after that was DJ chukie~ which... boooooooom! blast the stage with his opening song. and totally take the freaking atmosphere to the next level. even i, which is working. cant resist to not work and start shaking my body. lol. seriously. DJ chuckie is thumbs up. and lastly ending with DJ sander van doorn. which start off soft and ending it up hard with house and trance. there's some other DJs as well such as Ian ross, joey G, and richard durans . and so the party stops and me, 1st time drink mineral water thru the night with those coolness mix, house and r&b. and the suckest part is we needa wait for an hour to get our pay cheque. wtf. == and now im here. in my bed, 5.45am. best thing about tonight? 1. chicks i get to knw. 2. music. 3. free beeersssssssss i get for free after the party. and 4th. the $...

HELLO EVERYBODY! IM BACK!! =D yes! my lappy is back from recovery. thats why i can blog d finally. muahaha. Everything seems to go just as usual, work and all. my mum start doing cookie d so i'll be more busy than usual but i always find a day to get crazy and a day to chill in a week. =) if not i will condemn. hehe. Fin is coming back soon! =) finally i can get to talk to some1 mature enuf to hear me out. i lost my other BFF d, not planning to lose this one. nothing much to blog d. will update really soon and often aight? ;) p/s, michelle, if u reading this. this DUN see emo right? hahaha.

DAMN! two night of party for me is killing my wallet. =( spent 350 in two night. couldn't say is the best party. but it was alright. =) expensive though! next time really need to plan it out. went MIST last night with friends. and lynna got to be a emo sober freak and jun leong a drunktard. haha. he goes down in less than an hour. as always. when will u learn asshole. == make me and friends have to deal with him. urgh.. gonna rest now. rest well tonight, study tomorrow and go all out on resit paper on monday. =) *cross my finger that i will pass. and got to ask her out next week.

another year pass, another change in the digits of my age. maybe 2. just turn 20 this year. and well. just like last year. never really celebrate. can say worst. but well, im fine with it. thanks for all the wishes, amd thanks to my friend that tried to celebrate with me. but im just too old to celebrate anymore. =( really wanna know what i done on my birthday? here it is. 5am wake up 7am work 5pm done work 6.30pm reach home, bath and dinner. till 7.30pm sleep till 11pm afterthat. and 11pm to 12 am went yam cha. with J and J. no prezie no celebration, but that dun make me heartache, =( what it matter is among the so many peoples that wishes me. non of those wishes come from here. =( birthdays arent just the same anymore without her. nor any of the celebration day. OH! i done my body report yest. == seems like im prone and gonna get some deadly disease if i stil dun take care of my diet. gain lots of weight since i come back. maybe is the food at home taste much more delicious than outs...

WHOA! since long i nvr update my blog, cause of 2 reason. 1st, my charger rosak, so i no laptop use. =( havent get a new one. is been almost 2 week!!! 2nd, just bcoz im start my intership in GE aviation. hectic!! work time 7am to 4.45pm, so i gotta sleep by 10 and wake at 5. =( every weekdays. I gain a few kilogram after i came back from nilai as well, mum always cook delicious dishes, tempt me to eat more every meal! and when i was in GE, i makan kuih and teh tarik b4 i start work, 9am nasi lemak, 1 pm makan lunch lagi, den sometimes 5pm yam cha i eat some kuih as well. den reach home makan again. wtf! how to not gain weight? but im trying to slim back down again. waking up earlier everyday for dumb bells, and im stil trying hard to push my self to jog.. b4 work, too lazy, after work. too tired. sigh. i need a motive to motivate myself lar. =( Btw, if u wanted to know, GE stand for General Electric, is a company that do many fields and Aviation is one of em' they fixed, overhaul, ...

had a goodnight out. chill and knew a few fren. =)and had fun playing candle at jun house yest! haha, feel like going back into childhood.. time flies and im on 20 d. =( pass by an accident outside my house, he was the security guard in one of our housing area, and he was just gonna cycle to pack some supper, but get hit by a fucking indian which drove so fast. the whole bicycle hancur and the body. =/ well, unattacted. pity that fella seriously. Life is short and unexpected, so do things that wont make yourself regret, cause u nvr know when that 'accident' day will come. not forgetting the youngster nowadays like to fly car. a fairlady pass by me when i was chilling at bangi kopitiam and he was driving ? 140 160km/h? wtf right? in that road. matha fucker u wont know when a car will reverse and u wont got time to stop and maybe avoid and bang it to the sidewalk or to people that are chilling beside the road, like me.

i've finish my academic programme in nilai, all that left now is my internship at subang. oh ya, im on hols! xD went pD the other day and got my skin burn read badly, skin coming off slowly even until now. this weekend off to melaka to work, kinda sien though.. but i wanna go find yuki there! x) take it as a trip then. and i'm maybe going to langkawi next week on a last sec planning trip. fuih.. sibeh on lately.. hahaha. but not much $$ i left, thats the sad thing about me in this holiday. >. P/s dont think that u're something big while you're just nothing ok. fuck you.

my parents are gone to taiwan and while supposingly i should be studying for my easa, i gone to a short trip instead with kelvin, kh, junleong, etc.. we went for banana boat which we fall over and over and over and over again. hahaha. yea, 4 times.. and they went jet ski, but im too poor to play as well. =( just lie down the beach with my shade on, trying to look very cool and sunbath! haha.. and thats how i got this terrible sun burn now. we stayed at the legend water chalet, and damn, is nice and romantic if we're going with couple. but unfortunately im not. we got our room facing to the sea, and can see the sea through the floor in our room. *thumbs up. did nothing much for the rest for the day, beers, rest, relax. =) went for melaka for chicken rice next morning, and back to damansara for a fine meal at a seafood restaurant. we took friggin 3hours plus almost 4 to get there! LOL, cause all driving sibeh slow just to kill time. == now im back in my room, and gonna go back colleg...

yea! like what my title say, im just back from maison's pool side party, with some underage kiddo and underage hot babes, with kenny, ly, lynna and kary. :D it wasnt as nice as it heard but i enjoy the moment i get sibeh high d den throw the hot babe inside, and took off my shoe den jump in also, that kinda feeling is like, "wtf!" and go to the bar and order whatever drink u want! chunted wei. haha. parents is off to taiwan, i got my one week study week, and im studying on day and party at night. that's how i roll now. :) easa module 11, 13 books? engine 5 books? propeller 1 book? and add up to 3k pages?!!! nah... i got time. always last min. that's why im called god among my collegue. xD vainity. sorry.. maybe hitting mist tmr, and port dickson for drink and chill trip on sat and sun. :) i wonder how m i gonna pass my module 11... P/S i wish the one i throw in was u..

4th of every month, but its another ordinary day for me. :) plan to go swim wan today, but ended up kena ffk by kenny and beauly, if i know, i shoulda promise kary to go pulau ketam for photoshooting with her and ffk them first instead. haha. life is boring recently, i dunno what to do when i think of all those stacks of book i got to study. god pls bless me.. N i just heard today my house in nilai got broke into! damnit! i locked by room door, but i aint sure the thieve got enter my room and lock it back when he leave anot. even if he enter, and took all my valueable stuff, i dun mind, just dun take stuff that have sentimental value to me. got to chao for now.. :) P/S missing u always.

alright, time to update my blog d.. some1 screw me ask me update more often, but another some1 ask me dun update about a particular some1, but accept for that particular some1 i dunno who i can mention lor. =/ yest was merdeka eve, every1 ask me go club.. woo.. i know only know that there's stil popularities in me. =D but i choose not to go, and end up in nilai also. boring and directionless till me and friends have to take a paper and write down few places and take, see which place to go.. LOL. lame right. some1 out there pls take care.. P/s i hate racism. == 1MALAYSIA PLS.

i miss the feeling of sleeping with the one you love. waking up beside her, seeing her face and lips 1st thing in the morning, is just the sweetest thing ever happen in my life. now, im sleeping alone, driving alone, eating alone, study alone, even sometimes drink alone and movie alone. guess i prefer to have non in my life if i dun have you. dun judge from what u see from the outside, you'll never know whats inside of me. wish u were back in my life.

exactly 17 days before she leave coll and i wont got to see her ever again. and for me? i'm finally gonna leave college after 18th. =) leaving this fark up place which once is my happiest place and saddest at the same time. nothing much i can do d. she walked too far from me, and i've been hanging for too long. I ask myself a lot of times, what makes me wait for her for so long. 1. My love for her is too deep? isit so? if so why i've make mistakes at the first place. 2. She left me hanging there with all those questions without answer. Left me hanging, to or not to wait, give me doubts without she noticing, or is she trying to prove something? but now is been too long d. and i really felt tired. COME ON JEREMY! =D is time to lose those weight, and is time for u to get back on track! (and i stil have grudge on you, feeding me til soooo fat) ;(

A student asks a teacher, “What is love?” The teacher said, “In order to answer your question, go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.” The student went to the field, went through first row, saw one big padi, but he wonders… maybe there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one… but maybe there is a even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the padi field, he starts to realize that the padi is not as big as the previous one he saw, and he knows he has missed the biggest one, and regrets. So, he ended up going back to the teacher with an empty hand. The teacher told him, “…this is love… you keep looking for a better one, but when it’s too late, you realise you have already missed the person….” “What is marriage then?” the student asked. The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn an...

is my 100th post d.. and i believe 95% of em mention about u.. watched inception just now, and i wish i can make u as subject or projection in every of my dream and get lost in dream. so can be with u forever inside as time pass slower in dream than reality.. silly thing for me to think of though. anyway, happy ex-anni.. supposingly is gonna be our 4th year 1st month of love.. aww!! saw u with ck white shirt today.. u look great. ;) and i thought u bu sheh de wear wan? but ya lar, ur bf rich, can get u how many thousand pieces.. is so true that i felt all girls in dis world are just so fucking materialistic, dun u feel so urself?

is been a year exact, where 2 soul were apart.. but one thing will remain forever. my love for u..

Been dreaming , dreaming , dreaming and dreaming about YOU !! ARGH.. no matter night, or afternoon nap or even sleeping in class also i dreamt about u, wtf is dis man. Is my brain gone haywire? or what? its suffering. when only will all this get over me? hmm.... Anyway, saw u again today and u look fanstasic and dazzling with ur new hair make over, =) its like adrenaline rush over me and heart pump very fast whenever i saw u. i duno why i still got those feeling now. got my blood donated again today. Ouch.. =/

i wonder why cant be separate through understanding instead of separating through arguement and hatred and betrayal with lies... i wonder why.. i just realise the time me and you live together was just 6 months, but in nilai or in pj, it seems to have the sweetest memorable memories for me.. that will carve into my brain for the rest of my life. is been a year now. =) it passes in a blink of an eye. yet it all seems like yesterday for me. know u been reading this blog all the while. take care and live happily than ever.

i miss my towel and desmond so much that i would trade anything in this world for them. ="(

Just when i really want to let go, the memories kept making me reminisces how me and you used to be: moment when i drive fast when i got my license, u yell me to look how fast i was driving, but was actually going 120km/h only. hah. and my 1st time driving to sunway, which we took 2 hours just to get there. busy and argueing which road to take, and gone through the kesas toll over and over 3 times. when one time, we slept together in aaron room cause the whole house electricity when off. and we went from freaking warm to bloody cold and cudling each other in the blanket with hong and his gf and cheng with jenn. >. still the time in fruity where how we always each by sharing, and how i use to buy tissue for ur running nose in tuition, how we roll into a human ball by hugging tight each other when we go for movie. hmm... Human - always realise and regret after lost the thing they love the most in life. anyway, i told u i will let go, and i start by deleting of urs d. u won't hear ...

argh!!!!!! really FML, fucking hectic week. 1st. went world cup final at bangsar village street party with my dear sis louisa and meet up with my babe yuki over there( cause she's working) . pack like fuck. and we hang there and ended up in a pub for the game. reach coll arnd 6.30am and misses both my 9 and 3pm class. *prepare for warning or barred letter* 2nd. monday, slept till 3smthg after yest game. and went for lunch at 4 and pool afterward and joseph pickin me up in nilai after fetching fin, which happen to be one of my dear fren as well. went back klang and up we go genting. reach there around 10. and been in casino for hourssssss and chao at 5am. 6 hours in casino? == gimme a break. won hundreds though. xD and here i am now, reached at 6.30 and class on 8. so i got time to blog a lil about my fuck up life. 3rd? whats next? going for dinner at goldcoast tmr and den allnight study cause i will be having 3 freaking paper on the wed. another sleepless night i guess? 4th. after ...

yea, im having this fever since the world cup start, been staying up till 5am for football EVERYDAY, in nilai or in klang. nothing beats the thrill of screaming GOOOOOOOALLLL!!! when ur team score. =D i starting to love it, how much i wish that mignificant beautiful lady would join me in this moment.. nvr really enjoy it with her at 2006 world cup and 2008 euro cup. and my betting dept got better since yest.. hope i can cover them in time. pray for me. LOL.

"It's been a long time since you called me (How could you forget about me) You got me feeling crazy (crazy) How can you walk away, Everything stays the same I just can't do it baby What will it take to make you come back Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me Don't leave me crying. Baby why can't we just start over again Get it back to the way it was If you give me a chance I can love you right But your telling me it wont be enough So baby I will wait for you Cause I don''t know what else i can do Don't tell me I ran out of time If it takes the rest of my life" Wait for you, elliot yamin everytime i hear this song, it keep reminding me of myself.. (love) well, did nth much lately, exam, chilling, watching football. is football fever! HAHA.. did something nice last last sat though.. went to luna bar.. FINALLY.. nice place, nice feel, with nice service, still guat teng is ...

累了，也累了。 想了，也象了 爱了，敢爱了。 忘了，忘不了了。 等了，也等不了了。 烦了，也烦不了了。 没了，什么也没了。 i always wonder and wonder.. 'how are you?' 'are u still as manja as ever o?' 'still duwan grow up ar?' is he treating u well?' 'still got bite ppl de habit mar? bet he is not as nice to bite as me. heh' 'pls dun get drunk like u promised me b4.. u look fugly.. =P' 'and pls! dun put heavy make up, u look ugly in it. u are beautiful as the way u are' 'sure still like to simply spend money lo?' 'still cant finish ur meal?' 'got gain weight d not o?' 'how's ur study going? tired??' 'pls dun keep maggie, unhealthy. if u wan outside food.. u can call ur kawan teman u keluar eat' 'bet u dun cry in ur pillow anymore hor? =) thats good' 'how's elmer and theo doing? sorry to tell, desmond is no longer with me. i miss him. =( ' 'world cup coming d, dun let ur bf bet ar. u experienced b4 with a bad bf d right? =P ...

whenever that day is, i’ll still be waiting for you. “one of these days you’re going to wake up, and you’re going to feel that same me in your heart and you’re going to realize how much I love you, and whenever that day is, I’ll still be waiting for you, and you’ll come home to me.”

yes! school finally reopen, and things is going as usual as it used to go last sem. ppl that dun wanna see me wont get to see me, and i still dun get to see the people i wan to see. but i can get to see the ppl that i wanted to see everytime im back in klang. ^^ hope she's just doing better than how she used to be when im the one that's taking care of her. Got a feeling that this will be a long long sem that i dun wishes it to get over. Class is just from mon to wed, how great was that? but i have to spend 4 days doing nth. =( but i dun wan this sem to end. cause... it's my last. and is in nilai. sigh. how much i wish i could describe my feeling in words, but i cant. anyway, like i used to say, let it flow~ bla bla.. a lazy unmotivated person talk this way though. xD Went swimming today, and when i saw a fren of mine, something jz came into my mind, he got his gf wait for him to go back after he swim. den things come all in a shot, josephine got joseph that waiting for her ...

argh~!!!! i hate myself. who do i always fall for the wrong person?! ="( some1 pls guide me.. i hate myself!

sorry for neglecting my blog for so long again my beloved reader. this is due to my part time job that i start working right after my holiday. from 9 am till 1030 everyday, friggin tired. thats y i got no mood to update after i come back everyday. the polo fair(which im working in) is gonna finished in 3 days. let's just hope time pass faster so that i can have my beautiful dinner with her! hehe.. a lot of entertaintment awaits me. WAIT FOR ME! I ALMOST THERE! (that's what happen when u dun save b4 ur sem break, u got broke b4 the sem break and work during the sem break and start coll right after u finish work, and the money u earned is going straight to daily expenses. LOL. is 2.22am d, and i left 5 hrs to sleep. =P this time, shld be the ealiest i slept in coll but the latest i slept on the holiday. P/s : boom boom boom she makes my heart goes. weeeeeeee ~~

just finished my exam today. wee~ and i chilled whole noon by sleeping and booming my song without giveing a fuck to any1. went back on the night cause im going to genting lagi with joseph. dun ask bout details. not really a good night for us. Hah. seems like this sem break im gonna work after all. reached back his house at 6am and makan a sandwich and wanted to bath and sleep. But!! fuck. when im washing up my body and hair and im all covered in shampoo. fking no water no water in the thouse. and how the fuck i wash all the shampoo off? with fking cold water from the refrigarator. and i got flu straight away, brain freeeze and my balls even fking shrink!! now i know how torturing for those victim that felt into the ice pond in cold country. =( gonna look for job tmr. good9!

Is been a while since i update though. kinda busy, not with alcohol, not with chicks and not with club. im busy with my exam. 4 weeks of exams. 6 papers. ~.~ and tmr will be my last and i'll be NOT-enjoying my holiday.. (lack of $$) last time at least still got a place to lepak and enjoy even if i got no money. now everythings gone lur. but i started to move in d. =) been awake for more than 48 hrs d, and not gonna sleep again tonite. gonna finish up my books b4 i enter the exam hall. wish me all the best. OH! btw, i saw this post in the net, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAaH_HlUD68&feature=player_embedded is a video captured in turkey, very touching, very emotional, even if its just a cat. i hate cat, but when i see this video, and due to one of my accident(u know it well) i got no more prejudice toward cat anymore. if a couple of animal with such short life, can be like its shown in the video. what are u compare to them? no offensive, but. hmm... nth. P/s today is the day t...

zoom~~~ there she goes again. came back from revison week last week, and exam week this week. and im trying so hard to going around canteen, school areas, library. so that i can see her one eye~ but i nvr met her at all.. cause i know she been da pao back to room makan, study in room. and hide inside room all the time. lifeless.. just to avoid me? need to be like this anot? sigh. anyway, enjoy ur holiday. as i aint looking forward for the holiday. cause im totally broke. =) wee~ 2 down 4 to go~ ya i mean exam. and i dunno why this finals i too darn relax. i can dun touch book whole day and touch only at the morning, just like yest and today.. well, guess i better prepare a coffin for me when my result come out. but.. isit possible? as i been called god by every1. i know they're just being sacarstic. for being last min to study and my result come out that stil is better than others which study their gut out. well, guess im borned smart. damn hao nian right? hahaha.. but no more play...

"is hard, to dreamt about u, think about u everynite and enjoying those sweet moment in the dream.. and waking up knowing that all of u is not with me anymore. and shed a tear everytime i do so." been a week since i update my blog, cause i just dun have the mood to do so, emotional sickness, exams, revison, and financial prob all got me tight up this week, fuck up right? sigh.. anyway i just have to go thru it alone, unlike last time where i always has some1 by my side no matter what happen. bought a speaker in pc fair which makes me almost completely out of cash this week and im stil in dept! fuck up.. and exam along! guess i will have to find my own way to go through this week. chao.. and sorry for reading this post which is all just about whinning.

"do u know? that.. i hate to see some1 i love with somebody, but i surely hate it more when i see some1 i love unhappy with me. hope u'll find me when u get back to coll.. " okay~ im officially pokai! and aint gonna have money to spend on my sem break anymore~ argh!! =( last last last min plan to movida on thurs nite with yuki and jayson and his fren.. is a newly opened pub which looks like a club more in the inside. so, i think i ended up clubbing instead of go drinking. xD haha.. fri, after reaching home, went to low yat with joseph, and hang whole day and the next day with him cause i overnite his hse. after that, another last sec plan to genting jz to yam cha... haha. i remember when i last time came to here, is with my baby girl.. to be exact, ex-baby girl.. 1st time sleeping with her, have fun, eating the romantic dinner after i make her angry and ended up buying a nike bag to tam her back. den she giving me tat long face telling me she hvt eat and den we went and m...

had my dinner today.. with her.. so called 'dinner' which last 2 min after i reach there. hah. seriously? i'm wondering, am i so fugly that till i can scare her away? am i fucking annoying? am i bloody thick skinned face? am i being wrong, trying to create chance for us? am i being fucking wrong to love this girl?! seriously. i wonder. so much for ex-anniversary today which turn out like i expected it would turn out. i got nothing to say. for me, is fucking hurt when ur ex do till so fucking obvious to do everything to avoid u. can't we just be fren? cant we just had a simple peaceful dinner? at least that's what i ask'd for.

watched 'clash of the titans' on thurs nite and 'it's complicated' yest.. comment? well, clash of the titans was a dissapointment i must say.. nice trailer nice graphic but the story line suck.. and i hate what zeus is wearing that armor. LOL.. its complicated, well... like the title says. it's complicated..... hahaha.. just like me and her.. is a very funny show though.. laugh till my thraot get sored in the cinema. >.

idk why m i posting this either. =.=" guess, im just so fuck up with my reality, so i just wish to create an own dream place of mine through words. Sigh, is been 8 months without her d. can u imagine that? 8 months? and there's still no turning point in our relationship. will this nightmare really continue? until the day when i wake up, and receive a wedding invitation from her, only i will realise that is the reality? i really don't know why she wouldn't even try.. hmm... am i really that sucks to be some1 else mr.right? or im just mr.not right after all?? argh!! so fed up, when i think of us used to be one, we go everywhere together, eat together, sleep together, and whatever also, there's me and you. but now? is just reality. hmm.. u wont know how much i would give up, just to have those days again. i miss it when i used to put my hand on the passenger seat when im driving, holding her hand, and i still got that pratice till now, but.. what im holding is just th...

"I wanna know what turns you on So I can be all that and more I'd like to know what makes you cry So I can be the one who always makes you smile Girl he never understood what you were worth, hmm no And he never took the time to make it work (You deserve more loving, girl) Baby I'm the kind of man who shows concern, yes I do, oh Anyway that I can please you let me learn So I wanna know Tell me what I gotta do to please you Baby anything you say I'll do Cause I only wanna make you happy From the bottom of my heart, it's true I wish that I could take a journey through your mind, alright And find emotions that you always try to hide babe, oh I do believe that there's a love you wanna share, oh, oh I'll take good care of you lady, have no fear, oh So I wanna know" I wanna know, JOE seriously, i wanna know... ur hidden feeling. eventhough u might always think im the the right wan, but i already found my mrs.right in my life. but as they say, forcing won'...

"You cant make some1 love you, all you can do is to be some1 who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize your worth, how much do i still worth then?" Mon: ordinary day that started with pool and end with pool,. so does tues. sigh. WeD! yaya, decided to have a drinking nite as is been a while since i drink till 'sufficient' already. haha. bought a ballentine, and old scotch whisky which taste quite smooth on the rock.and after that 5 bottle of beers.. spend the nite out with yuki, william, jayson, and after that yuri came and join us at my old meeting spot.. There're music, Breakdance, crap talk, and 'jayson on my car's roof and front window' when i was going 120km/h. LOL... drink up from 11.30 till 6. =) thurs~ lets see.. class at 1-3(skipped) class from 4-5(attended) hv to spend a while on coll after class. hang around with yuki til is time to pick my sis from sunway. after that. spend the nite on 记得食in ss2, and went on drinking in chul...

" everyone wanna be your sun that light up your life, but i rather be the moon that shine on you in your darkest hour when your sun isnt around' is been a week since i blog. is been few months too since i sees her face. =) can i say it was a coincidence? or what? hah.. anyway.. in the end of the day, i still see her..she still so cute yet so fierce, and she still hate me in a way i know that she stil miss me. is like planet earth hitting mars again only. well.. i dun mind if i been hit few times as long as i can see her. hope we can get along better soon. next semester is starting soon. and can i say? what you got in coll now is me, and what i got in coll is her. cause, yes.. we know.. that u dun like to hang around with that bunch and so does i. We'll see... Yesterday.. lets see.. went to dinner and pool like usualwith yuki, william, yuri and jayson. but this night is follow up by a crazy karaoke session.. haha. and guess what. suddenly i got an exam tmr? essays questions...

Alright! Another week has gone by, a week closer to holidays, also mean another week closer to finals. =( been very headache about the trip that christine is planning! argh! if really no choice den i wont wanna go d. save $ save my headache and take the $ go drink better.. =/ Anyway, i watched How MANU did their routine job, which is winning, this time over AC MILAN 4-0 :D manu manu glory! wish she was there to cheeer with me, we could put on MANU jersey and yell together, GOAL!! woo!!! *clap clap* >. Woke up 12.30 the next day, and skipped 2 classes for the day, or should i say, all class? i've been feeling myself very useless lately, sigh.. go die better jeremy. fri movie nite has been move early to thurs movie nite already, so i drove all the way to garden to get tickets for alice in wonderland which is 8.15p.m., so i got time to go back home makan den took off again with kary. went to murni after that with her, and the 1st instand i notice, Y IS THERE SO LESS TABLE?! anyway,...

" And though she's so far away. It just keeps getting stronger everyday and even now she's gone I'm still holding on So tell me, where do I start 'Coz it's breakin' my heart Don't wanna let her go Maybe my love will come back someday Only heaven knows And maybe our hearts will find a way But only heaven knows And all I can do is hope & pray 'Coz heaven knows. My friends keep telling me That if you really love her, You've gotta set her free And if she returns in time I'll know she's mine " heaven knows, price rick Cant do anything anymore right now. all i can do is wait, and hope she's feeling the same as me. Let's leave it all to faith. Aww... is a god damn boring day, was planning to go greenbox dis noon, but tak jadi cause cant wake up in time... whole day jz lying down sleep and on9 only.. so as the nite, cause overspent whole week money yest nite.. imagine, one nite at nilai spent 109? wtf? and i nvr even drink. yest...

"It's love because i want you to be happy, even if it means you'll go on without me, even if it means its going to kill me everyday, even if it means we can only be 'friends' even if it means i'll spend everynight alone, even if it means you won't love me back, it's love baby. treat me like a stranger, and let our love start, all over again." is hard knowing that promises are meant to be broken. heh.. even if is the last promise u ever made to me, u wont know how much it hurt, u nvr felt. u thought u felt the worst, but u nvr knew how worst felt like. hmm... is the 4th of march. i hate myself for letting u go. :'( back from nilai, another lazy yet emo day, always drive home alone.. where times pass so slow without some1 beside to let me hold her tiny hand. sigh.. went to movie, finally.. after so long... along with kary, jun and wh.. ish.. whole nite give kary take pistol aiming my head calling me a liar.. which i partially did, cause of goodne...

If she woulda answer no, wont, and dun... i might proberly given up already, but she, told me... something diff. that still give me some of tat tiny hope which suddenly make me dun wanna let go. There she goes again, but dis time, she called me an asshole instead. =) Let See How Far Our Love Will Take Us. AND DIS AINT AN EMO BLOG! is a blog to be readen by some1. xD

(Im jz too poor to get new wan) have u ever seen slipper that are tat worn out??? wallet which are tat torn? and fon, i no comment, is old though.. but i still very bu sheh de to change them. Is been months, weeks and days, can some1 actually hate some1 dis much? really dun und why isit so fking big deal? fking childish mind that dun actually understand anything about love.. what u know is me treating u good and listening to every single fuck.. u just couldnt try to understand me like how i understand and tolerate you and fucking TRUSTED U!!! u said u wont leave, would forgive for everything, BLA BLA BULLSHIT. just FUCK it ok! i damn damn damn mother fucking piss of ur fucking retarded mind.. that think like a fucking kid, all u know is blamming me even until now, have u ever fucking blame yourself? u can trust a FUCK UP kid which is 2 years old smaller than u, and which u jz kn0 for 2 months and u can give everything to him, but u just cant trust a man which alwiz been by yourside s...

sorry, sorry.... sorry for everything, sorry for the day i let u go, sorry for the evening i chase u away, sorry for the morning you wake up without me beside u and giving you a morning kiss like i used to, sorry for the moment i not around to make penguin walk or etc to make you laugh, sorry im not around to hold your hand and hug you when you're cold, sorry for the day im not beside you and cheer u or share everything in your heart when you're sad.. and sorry that we broken up and i wasn't able and not capable to hold u back with me.. and lastly, im sorry that i wasn''t able to let you go so u can live normally without me.. i jz came back from maison and is was a fuck nite, lost in kl, again? and reach der 1am? and no table, until we get a table on 1.30am.. time is so short for me to party... sigh.. nvm... next time i will be more pro on kl road.. lol.. jz wish she's beside me, so that when i lost, i got some1 to guide me, to show me the road, to the path th...

ya, as u can see the title of this blog, i have a tough luck, no matter how many time i goes down, i stil manage to climb back up. dis apply to everything in my life, not only gamble, but education, social, and love. i nvr go down. ;) thurs(5th day of cny)- planned to go genting but mum wouldnt let, cause front tyre was as flat as taufu fa and it was raining heavily that day.. so, at nite, went to aunt house after waiting joseph from 9 to 11.30.. ended early today and we play smart this time. =) won a lil, Me and dai ka jie (yern) happy birthday! =) turtle!! xD after 1 and half glass of bombay~ =.= Fri(6th day) - done nth at noon, and went to celebrate dai ka jie birthday at seri cempaka hotel suite at cheras.. stop by pyramid to get her something b4 heading over there. really have fun, playing eventhough im not that completely blended into her frens all.. went back and reach home at 6.40am after mamak over there. Sat( 7th day)- went to jun house at nite, her steamboat open house, a...

3rd day of cny(tuesday)- shop reopened d.. have to work liao lur. went for kelvin house at the noon. after that went to aunt house to gamble at nite.. with joseph, share share play big big... 50 buck per hand... T.T it was like... 5mm thick after been compress of 50's and 10's thousand over at least.. den it all go away in the last 30 min... sad.. ending d, banker get a AA, 150 gone,.. den he call last 3 hand, lari one hand win one hand, last hand? 100 buck raise lar... MALOU~ Get AA again!!! 300 buck gone.. fly, weeee~~~~ T.T from 4 digit to 2 digit.. pathetic an0t? summo play til 5.30am. den i overnite at joseph house. 4th day of cny(wed)- kary came to find me at my shop and we go to kh house to sit and gamble, during the noon.. den 630 chao d cause hv to go work, =( and den nite go fetch kary again to kim zhang house for open house. Summary Current Losing $ -30th night, lose rm100 -1st day, lose rm 70 -2nd day, lose rm 30. -3rd day win 80 -4th day lose 130.

"Wee~ CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! " i hope i take back that thought.. not a really good year for me though, single valentine, lose $, etc. sigh. but we alwiz hope for da best right? =) 30th nite- sleep all day, cz cookie is finally over.. started gambling tat nite itself d.. and we have our complete family reunion, =) with some extra guest as well.. uncle from ireland back, aunt from aus back, grand parents, with 4 daughters, 4 sons of their with 28 grandchildren, with my bro korea's fren, L, barnie and jason, with cerdwin, jl, kh, ken, and kel all gather in my shop. =D guess there's jz 1 missing.. but she forever remains in my 1st day- went take ang pau, den gamble, den my mother side grandparents house, den at nite went to last uncle house and den kat's hse.. sorry that i mis out on kel hse. xD too bz d.. LoL.. had 3 cans of beer, with severalsssss glass of chivas.. stil.. == no feel... i wonder how good i can drink. alcoholic lvl? 2nd day- today, slept til 12+ den we...

Is da reunion night tonight, finally is chinese new year huh? i dunno~ is jz something is missing that makes me feel that this year new year is lagging... m0ney? no ar.. i stil got enuf to spend, food? im on diet, but my mum stil cook nice dishes which makes me carve for more, alcohol? is free flow tonite babe, hardcore liquor from korea which i really cant take cause it too hardcore for me, but we stil got beer.. =) family? no ar, this year every1 is here, include my big aunt from aus and last uncle from ireland and jason, L and barnie from korea which is my brotha fren.. including cerd, kh, jl and kel and ken also here tonite.. just.. something is missing that makes me feel this year new year very empty, i dint even saw any firecracker tonite, cz im jz too moody to walk out from my chair the whole nite. sigh.. and i even lose 100 d, even b4 1st day of new year, where's my lucky star? i really cant win without her, cant live without thinking of her. will u be back and make me win ...

everything has to done by chinese new year and valentine already been done... shopping done, clean house done, secret valentine project which is not so secret anymore, done.. and sending it to her without letting her see my face cz i know she'll break down, done... really don't und why sometimes human being have to do things which is not their heart wanted to do. be with some1 that she doesn't wishes to be, telling and lying her self all the time that she'll let me go and forget me while she know she can't do tat.. hmm... is life, u jz wanna quit cause of those past things? what happen to being together no matter what? what happen to love you forever and will forgive everything you've done? what happen to love instead of faking some1 else to be the one u wanted or uses him back instead? what happened to us when u let our love go? though i will be here, standing, waiting, loving, forever as my heart belongs to one and only one bad-ass ex gf of mine. =) i fking mi...

Wee~~ Last day of cookie ended~ what's next is chinese new year!! i can't smell the love around me dis year, most proberly i will stick to $ $ $ for 2010... cz im lacking of th0se... BADLY! paying for redang trip summo after cny~ DIE.... PO CHAN~~ haha... but boat alwiz auto matic straight when reach bridge end. so nth to worry about, as i can feel ppl are gonna GIVE me some $.. =D Cloth- (checked) Money-(Checked) V.Day gift-(checked) Physically prepared?-(NOT checked) PIMPLES~ are getting in my way of handsome-ness.. who gonna get attracted by me till then?! =( thhks to sleeping in da early morning these few days~ mon- slept 5 something, tues 6.10am and wed, 7.15am... == seems like i slept much earlier to earlier each day... all cz wanna get something done. WORTH IT for my pimple! hahah... Thurs nite?, 4am i will sleep... 15 min more~ sorry tat this post banyak rojak ar. cz... im feeling rojak today.. haha!

Officially, BROKE again.. == have da really conserve my $$ d.. spending $ like water. wtf.. 2 day outing include today, spend over 800+ Jz 2 OUTING!! and i barely bought things.. jz done my cny shopping, 2 nike socks, 2 G2Blue Polo-T, 2 radioactive pant, 1 Zara T-shirt and 1 CK shirt~ JZ these few item! $$ all gone!! T.T well, of cz, include my meal at Fullhse and tat chinese restaurant, den petrol, parking for maison which is da most exp parking my car ever park. rm15, and clubbling money which is jz 80~ 10% of total i spent! AND CNY IS NEAR!! FUCK~ T.T Went to shopping again with cerd after my exam which i jz found out yest. fly der cause my exam finish at 4.30. is kinda late d. reach mid by 530, meet up with cerd and we went shopping.. finally done all mine shopping, and cerd bought a Miss. Selfrige shirt which i feel is absolutely hot if wear with a short hot pant. xD and 2 MNG sweater for her trip to china. sleep over coll tonite, and fetching fren to LCCT later 5am. == lifeless....

I miss her so badly. I wanted to talk to her. ="( is very pain when i think about it, i thought i already can handle the fact that she's with an0ther kid now. but it ache my heart so much whenever i try to peek at that fact. ="( when when this nightmare end? will i got a chance to hear 'darling' ever again?

Sorry for neglecting my blog for severals days~ been too busy~ cause cny is coming, some1 would know the reason why~ went for shopping last two day, which is sat. went with cerd, my best gal fren. other than her, no1 would wanna go with me d lur~ even the one who is missing me? she rather stay at taska doing nth also wont wanna see me. sigh.. bought 2 pair of socks and 2 Polo tee only, and i fking hate CK shirt~ =( the cloth quality is like... rubbinized d wan.. wear tat time... ALL STICK TO UR BODY WAN!!! >. after that, back at 9, makan ZHG with cw at my shop, den gone for 2nd round~ hit maison with guan sheng to celebrate catherine 21st birthday bash~ haha.. bad impression i leave for her though, being late, cause got lost in kl' Again.... and chao without saying buh bye, cause i was too fking drunk to do it. went back in da morning, cause guan sheng and me was too coockcoo~ to drive.. xD slept in da car.. and got diu from my mummy.. =X Sunday life goes on as usual. and is mon...

Kelvin blog says, "you wouldn't know how much u need a person until u've lost em' " and i did realise, how much i need her after i lost her. but everythings seems to be too late to back to normal, too late to back to the time, where i don't need an alarm clock at all. cause she's always will wake me up on time, either to class, or wake me up to study at 5a.m. and go for my exam, with a kiss, with a breakfast, and with a smile on her face. n prepare my uniform for me, etc. :'( now, i have to live the life of waking up everyday without her squeezing beside me. she's da best thing ever to happen in my life, and i dun intend to let her slip away from me again, if i got a chance, she got the courage, to stand up for each other again. exam is on tmr, and i dun really got mood to study at all... i need a drink. ~.~ too many is going through my mind today. Fk up betul. and after sports, slept whole nite, wake up... = frustrating me. Fking broadband cant o...

"... And I'll be begging you, baby Beg you not to leave But I'll be left here waiting With my Heart on my sleeve Oh, for the next time we'll be here Seems like a million years And I think I'm dying What do I have to do to make you see he can't love you like me? Why don't you stay I'm down on my knees I'm so tired of being lonely Don't I give you what you need When he calls you to go There is one thing you should know We don't have to live this way Baby, why don't you stay .....It's too much pain to have to bear To love a girl you have to share" Stay, Sugarland Stay with me, dun walk any further away anymore, even as fren will statisfy my heart.

"dunno whats wrong with me again. emotional heart pain sickness is back. cause? i miss her.. yea. no doubt, after all the fake mindset shit etc i tried to lied to myself, but heart cant lie.. it telling me tat i miss her everyday.. is dis the life i have to live without u? hmm.. pls text me if u ever think of me. at least a reply. " Went to opera again yest nite.. yaya. i kn0. it suck. and y would i go again for 2nd time? cause i accidently promise jun leong d. == what to do. jz wanna get some drink and get loose from myself, wai hoh bring his chick.. wiu wit.. kary.. leng lui. xD proud of him, and jl bring his chick also. well, not his la of cz, but his crush that he did some fking embarassing thing on her.. that i stil feel like laughing until now.! hahaha!! he tak boleh minum summo wanna bottom up so many times with me, ended up as drunk cat and do some fk stuff. every1 seems to got their pair, or even more.. me? im jz drinking there alone in the table. =( drank a lot! but...

"Everybody see's it's you I'm the one that lost the view Everybody says we're through I hope you haven't said it too So where Do we go from here With all this fear in our eyes And where Can love take us now We've been so far down We can still touch the sky If we crawl Till we can walk again Then we'll run Until we're strong enough to jump Then we'll fly Until there is no end So lets crawl, crawl, crawl Back to love, Yeah" Crawl, Chris brown Would i get a chance to start crawl? everythings start from beginning, i dont wish to fly in a sudden, so jz let me a chance. to crawl. like a tortoise mayb? =) Where do i start? ok. i jz got awoke by nightmare, cant sleep back, thats y im blogging here. >. .

"Everybodys got something they had to leave behind, One regret from yesterday that seems to grow with time, Theres no use lookin back or wondering, How it could been now or might have been, all this i know , but still i cant find ways to let u know, I never had a dream come true, Til the day that i found you, Even though i pretend that i've moved on youll allways be my baby, i never found the words to say, Your the one i think about each day, And i know no matter where life takes me to a part of me will allways be with you Somewhere in my memory ive lost a sense of time And tomorrow could never be cause yesterday is all that fills my mind..... " Never had a dream come true, S club 7 =D days as usual.. coll is relax as ever and helping mum is busy as ever... something really bad happened, but u dun wanna say it in here.. hmm.... dint really got time to blog, really tired after work.. but i dun sleep.. i watch movie, and look like a fking zombie on the day.. == really have...

"If u just realize what i just realize, the we'd be perfect for each other, and we'll never find another, Just realize what i just realize, We never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now." realize, Colbie caillat But in the end u never manage to realize it. U just left with a silent walk and me, a broken heart behind. Helped joseph drive his CRV yest, wah.. i 1st time drive so exp car. shiock. but no power. hahaha.. went to ampang lookout point later on night after i finsh working. SAID, i rmbr the raod!! but ended up, we' get lost.. == even i jz been der monday. Finally found our way up there and it was late d, klcc light close 10min later, but i stil manage to snap some pic(upload later, very lazy now) and we sisha there lepak.. wah.. shiock lar the shisha there. damn smooth and flavour very lasting and strong. i nth much happen today, jz like usual sat night, pool-> home-> bath->fb->blog=> one piece. night all..

1st of all.. i would like u all to know. that me IS HAVING MY WORST ROOM EVER!!! damn! i expected too much for an apartment! T.T full with dead cockroaches.. stinky living room, bath room which rosak and toilet bowl *vomited* duwan to mention it.. and dead cockroaches in the bathroom, i dun even dare to pee in tat toilet. and all over the behind the cupboard in my room.. T.T i wanna cry out loud when i 1st see the room.. i shld see the room b4 i decided to move in. anyway.. im gonna move out next month for sure! who cares if i share with ppl, i jz wan a proper bedroom and toilet. tats what i ask for. :'( Back at home at wed night after dinner with my dear fren~ hehe.. y im back dis early? cause thurs is N9 public holiday and fri got no class~ =) tat's why im back early to help mama do cookies for cny~ time no enuf, worker not enuf, a good son must do what a good son must do. :D hope dis year ang pau is big enuf lar though.. hhahaha.. gtg for now.. nite every1! p/s i miss u C.A...