Neglected~

Y do i feel sour, a bit of spice and some tears in my heart? I'm single wert. shlud be no1 to hurt me d wan. but stil?? This is what i call life. is full of surprise. The moment when i 1st met this young lady. It gimme a feeling of looking forward to see her everytime. as time pass.. the more and more i wanted to see her and do for her. but it seems like the more and more she slipping away from my hand? haiy. 2 Options. 1st. Try harder and make sure she one day wil touch and realise my existant in her life. 2nd. Give up and find an0ther wan.
What it is to be left in life if u do everything half way? Same principle as farming. If u dun farm, u dun get any harvest. but if u get ur ass down in tat field working hard everyday. It might, or might not get harvest. If the crop stil cant be harvest, at least u can giv up by telling urself. 'u give every last drop of sweat on working it out'

Gambateh jereboi. Ur hardwork wil worth the juice someday.

Realisation

jz another average normal day for me, but my ass cant sit still at home. went for pool with joseph and gang. Riding behind a crazy driver which feel like sitting a roller coaster than a car. =.= pool, Asia Cafe and back home i am 5.00am. and im blogging b4 i watch my movie and go to bed in the morning.

i finally realise and admit and surrender. I'm a boy, a lover, an idiot which got no medicine to cure. Reason y i'm in my current state i also know it very cleary. so, i dun mind telling the world how fucking useless i'm. I smoke, I alcoholic, I wanted to club, i wanted to flirt sometimes, i wanted to know girls! i cant stay still while im in a relationship, I lied, i cant be truth to myself, i always hurt the person beside me but, i know what it feels to love a girl and how miserable life is without some1 by yourside. Sigh.. I'm an asshole. I feel jealous sometimes, idk why eventhough she is not mine. >.< think too much d jere. time to go to bed! good nite readers.

Xmas!!

"Everybody love olo"

Wah~ cover back what i miss last week d. =) been going out and is tiring sial..
Wed: wake up, drive-> dai ka jie hse at ampang den yi ka jie hse at cheras den all the way -> klang! to eat bah kut teh.. haha.. they never went b4 so as i promise them earlier, mar ended up makan 海参肉骨茶.. after that went to 1u, to catch avatar. GSC was so fking full.. and we ended up in TGV. my god! the seat are as sucks as what my fren say.. 2 hr 45 min on the seat and what i get is a pain in the ass. but it was really a nice movie. dinner at the curve and went to Study at The Library after that. lepak til almost 2am. Bottle of Hennesy+ Green Label + leng lui ^^ makes jereboi a happyboi. haha. driving is never be the same when u got some1 there to nag nag nag when u are half drunk-tard and flying in the high way~ =X And my day finish off with me sleeping in the car as i got no key and my siblings is in stage 4 Sleep and im too good as a son to not waking up my parents. >.<

Thurs: Its christmas eve! yay!! Planning to countdown in my bed with my laptop. but is hard when u are too popular. LOL. Last min plan, lil celebration in kat's hse~ WeiWen is back! and i dint even knew it until yest. == Bbq, Lobak, Vodka, Chivas and heineken. really DTD(drink til drunk) i was planning to stay her hse and help her finish off the an0ther bottle liquor, but my kawan kawan wanted to back d. so, bo bian lar.. me, jl and kel went pool afterthat. I was jz too high to hit the cue ball already. so i jz snap snap snap some photos only.

Fri: 1st thing others wake up, first reaction is, "Its christmas!!" mine? "god bloody dumb fuck brother, bang car?! my car sial!!!!!! cb betul, go sunway 2 time, 2 time also kena thing, 1st time drive til overheat and jz ngam ngam fix it only. spend 1k+ now, bang at the door! my door gone case! argh!!!! noob til lidet. damn kau suay.. haiy.. today i not gonna do or go anything anywhere. i wil be guaiboi stay at hse. =) is xmas, it is meant to be spent with families~ merry xmas and happy new year every1!

p/s: will update kat hse foto in fb, i dun hv my camera with me now.

Memories

It's kao hao birthday today, so we went and hang out and shopping in midvalley with a movie that i feel i totally waste my money watching it, Storm warrior.. its sux.. and when i walking in mid..

When i pass by YoSushi, i think about the time we both eating der for minor dinner~
When i pass by the taiwan food shop, i think about the time we both fast fast makan Osyster mee sua together b4 catching the UP movie~
When i pass by folli follie, i remember the time when u ask me to buy u a bracelet and i say no prob, den u pull me in and when i see the price, and tel u. "let's get out from here" haha
When i pass by skin food, i remember company u buy cover black eye de thing, den u try try try der. asking me got better anot got nicer anot, wanna buy ar? with the worker around.. den i say ok lor, u like lor.. but both of us know it look darker when u apply it but no dare to say.. haha..
When i pass by carlos, i remember the time when the burger is as big as ur face, but u stil manage to finish it tat time! haha.. *clap clap*
When i see the cinema, i remember all the movie we catch there.. Movie marathon once, Sector 14 i think den after that UP.. but u're too tired, so ended up sleeping like my baby in the cinema. =)

No matter where i go, what i do, no matter how hard i try to forget u and let u have a better life, each bit of pieces of our memory will force out. telling me that i still very miss you. Since Today morning, i emo d because of my fking memory, during walking in mid valley, memories forced out, and night? The misses burst me to tears even when im in mamak. hmm.. dunno how much longer will i cont to be like dis.
finish off my day pooling with joseph and his philipine nephew which is stil older than me. =.=

-signing off with a heart and mind filling with memories-

1st week.. (checked)

Been a few days since i upload my blog. Is not because i'm too busy to update it. it because im TOO DAMN FREE. =/ nothing happen in my holiday, so no point updating it. =(
Is been a week since holiday. lets see what i have done.
Sunday~thurs----- wake up->eat->on9->one piece->help mummy out-> back home, bath, cont One piece til 5,6am. been repeating dis cycle CONSTANTLY.. feel like a robot. T.T den fri went pool and mamak with gang.. and that cycle is repeating itself again. lol
Y have i been so boring? 1.no people company, 2. no money, 3. don't feel like going out, 4. my car broke down since sunday but thank goodness is has been fixed yest. =)
Life isn't that interesting without her around anymore.. hope she's having a blast from her holiday cause is hell for her next sem..
but..... I GOT A FEELING~ next week gonna be a boom boom pow. hahaha! got my plan all lined up on the 2nd and 3rd week.. will update to u guys. =)

Lastly.. who wanna movie marathon with me next week?! i wanna watch a movie with u can? >.<

Holiday lur~

"deleted ur number~ is suffering to everyday having ur number and forcing myself not to bother u. wanna block me den cont block. u happy den enuf. love some1 is not all about owning her. is about wanting her to be happy, to understand what she want in her life, eventhough i dont have the chance to provide u those happiness anym0re, but what i hope best everyday, is for u to be happy.. =) as time pass.. i hope that me and u can stil be friend. and i wish tat you and me will still hv a chance to look each other in the eye. telling u and me 'i love you' "

Finally, last paper is over. and i got 20days to get a good rest from those fking books! haha.. let's see what am i gonna do in dis poor holiday? money takda, gf pun takda. =.= time? gonna spend on watching One Piece, Help mama do cookie, money? no1 to love no1 to spend for, so im gonna spend it on my 2nd best fren, boos~ haha.. gonna drink til i drop, party til i drop. but do i hav kaki? ~.~

Is all about dedication

"no matter how angry u are to me, how much u hate me, but i know beneath it. is something call love. Eventhough i cant see u anymore, but every nite and everyday b4 and after sleep. you're the only thing that i will think of. Haiz.. days without u is so different~ no matter what i do also i feel something is missing. but BBB will wait.. wait for that empty space of mine to be filled. is something that no1 can ever fill inside me. i believe in what i doing, and what im waiting for. someday will make a result. 'what i wanna do, what i wanna get, no matter how i also wont give up' isnt dis the thing u like about me? =) and i will dedicate myself to keep this promise forever, to love, to wait, to change and to be forgiven."

boring~ been spending my last 3 days with One Piece. lol. and is 2 more day away for my big exam. but i dint even been motivate to open the book.. really will die.. haiz.. 2 apple for whole day, until night when there's some1 finally free to company me for dinner. thks god i dun hv to strave to death! haha. al-salam, al-salam... went 2 round f0r the night. =.= and is one piece time for me now.. tmr.. i will STUDY!! yes i know i can do it. gambateh jere!

Empty

"Empty, Alone in dis empty house, Alone in this chemistry, Alone in this promise, Alone in this dream, this love, this life.. everything seems empty without you. Maybe i do deserved to be empty afterall. Everynight i go to bed with a smile and a stab in the heart, which i dun even know when this pain will end.. hmm.. "

A day which suppose to end happily but end it in the completely other way.. My final over, staying over coll.. thought of being a company to her, but it seems like the last thing she need in her life is me. i dunno y such a dumb person like me exist in this world. they say 'orang bodo tak da ubat cure' maybe really true.. went f0r lunch with yuki and her bf. after that went pm with them also. always feel like being a lamp post with all my frens which i hang out with. sometimes see d, really hurt.. if them dont appear in yourlife, me and you, wouldn't even go until dis stage.. Mood seems getting better after expressing some to my bro(cerd). and at night, was on a really good mood to goldcoast until a saw a myvi with red rims, and a familiar face. which always used to sit beside me. but not anymore.. emotional got 'a lil' broken down tat moment and it spoil my mood for the whole nite.

Was in the beach, under the bright moon and star. which i keep imagining it with you. hmm.. i wont a chance to do those stuff we nvr used to do b4 d..
-out-

I hate... ...

I hate snooker.. =.=bloody fk 4 games lose 40.. u can't ask a pool player to g0 play snooker right? promise my self won't play snooker ady. =X
I hate smoking as well. A day half pack makes my breathe smell bad. But Jz for social lar. haha.
I hate roti canai in the middle of the nite also. makes me gain back my freaking weight cz everynite i also mamak and Teh O Ais~ diu...
I hate driving alone to coll. boring and sleepy. only way to keep myself entertaint is loud music and 160km/h + lil bit potong potong.
I hate being lonely. it makes me think stuff that i duwan to think and heart wil jz bleed. hmm.
I hate being a faker. what's the point being some1 that isn't u and fking lying to yourself? Jz be truth to yourself and life wil go on easier~
I hate ppl that lie. I hate myself for that also. so i g0t no comment. =X
I hate ppl telling me in the ears what she and him is doing or at where or whatever bullshit fk up stories. .l.
I hate You, for being a liar which lies more than what u eat each day.
lastly, I hate myself for loving u dis much.

Fri nite~

Let's See what junk hav i did today? urm~ wake up, bath, breakfast, work, upload photos, den slp.. den since is holiday.. shop lot ppl.. den work until very busy as my lil bro and sis is enjoying themself in langkawi by now.. after that, went for ninja assasin in jj with josephs and fin.. Is a kick ass movie! haha. damn chun! and after movie was like 2.15am. fetch fin and her bro back. lepak a while at her hse. cz both joseph is talking bout car and im busy playing with johnson! is fin's golden retriever.. damn cute! haha.. den went mamak and do some guy talk, heart talk. and guess who i saw? =.= yuri tay~ small world, small msia, small town.. there's so many ppl i wish i can meet and say hi on the street, but there only one that i dun wish to see her and him no matter where i go. I read, i heard, i feel and it hurt me bad enuf, but if i see it with my own eye. it will be killing for me. hmm..

p/s thks to a glass of green scotch on rock. im going to bed now.everything seems to be too fuzzy

hopeless me

Love, can sometimes really be a joke to fool with. just a word, a paper, and some tears. make u hold on back to everything. thinking that there's some hope. mess around with ur feeling, and doing stupid things, hopeless thing that u keen on doing it eventhough is foolish.... every word she says u trust, u believe in 101%, but when u turn ur back for a moment, she stab u in ur back straight through the heart. heh. Is painful, but pain isn't anything new to me. is something that i've been holding onto for the pass 4months. i dunno when it wil end, or will it end? the scar, the ink, the love is already carve deep under me. sometimes it might be a sweeetdream and sometimes it might be a nightmare. but whatever it is.. i dun wish to wake up as long as u are in the dream. the Pain that i felt is something to prove that u're stil here, stil exist within me. and it wil never go away i can tel.. hmm.. y? so many things i dun und.. but the ans u gives me, it doubted me. and things that u done confirm my doubt. tel dis do diff in back. haiy. i really can't trust a word she say anymore. wait for my msg? bullshit. Fb delete? bullshit. think of me? bullshit. nvr let me go? Fk it. If u do feel so den u wouldnt fking go around with other guy. really non of ur words i can trust anymore. no more explaination no more bullshit needed. actions do all the speaking. A phase that i once teach u, and A phase that u used it back on me. Feelings, heart, brain, all of me has spilt into 2. everything is so messed up on me. i also dunno what to do next. A part of me stil very wants u, and another part is hating u for lying. dunno what the fuck are u thinking. is over for me, but is over, is not over with u or love for u. is over for all the trick, the things u putting on to my brain den turn around hurt me! wah. sound nice to ply right? a way to hurt the one that once hurt u? again again again again and again.. Q:how stupid can i be actually? A:Very stupid. E: y? cause you're a drug that im addicted with. and no matter how pain is it. i'll always addict to u.



'Twilight' A movie that v watched last time and say will watch again in future. but arent happening d. Cz i watched with jos liao. Ask u go watch, but u say.. 'today cannot lar'. Fking bullshit, mmg doing nth whole day. Scare ur lil kid angry only wert. lol. anyway.. really sweet story. i wish our love can last like edward and belle. not even death can set them apart. But me u? heh. is nothing compare to that kinda love. its broken so easily. 2 time club 2 time outing with normal girl fren. AND BB 3 yrs 1 month. While at back also u outing with other fella in PJ and nt telling a word bout it. lazy say d.. sorry readers for reading dis wastage of post. is jz a msg that i wan a particular person to see. good9

Another day wasted

Lil bit of sweetness jz like you

Jz another boring day in coll.. skipped all class.. and watching gundam at room. =D imagine how slack i can get. but who cares, is jz the revision week after all.
Yukiko ar yukiko~ y things can get so ngam wan in dis world? wanted bring her go goldcoast makan, but when i msg her, she's der d. wtf! =.- forget bout that, jz hv to bring her der next sem lor. im waiting for u to come back, hungry dao~~~ T.T sob.. ended up eating maggie. jz have to wait til she free only go find her lor. While waiting, i was trying to resize photos taken in melaka. damn.. cb making me frustrated only. hav to choose, open, resize, save, den upload! i couldnt find a software that can make the opening and resize fast! argh!!!!!! im so frustrated bout it! any pro can help? =(

Yet again, i was thinkin bout what she say to me yest. eventhough is jz a lil of her heart, but enough for me to keep living nicely. i hope u remember what u promise, i will do what i promise as well. 2 out of 1440 per day. hehe. i ON that plan with u also k? good nite.

Melaka Trip

Jz came back from my one day tour in melaka. =D is been more than 10 yrs since i've been there already. and thanks my mummy is understanding enough to gimme extra pocket money for the trip. as im so broke n0w.. =)

Let's get on with the story.. kel, so cal msia time which is suppose to be 8 but turn out to be 8.45, and v drove they with our own car. As he is gonna overnite and im gonna go back to study tmr. T.T

WE GOT NO GUIDE!
And der u go, 冤枉路.. a lot of 冤枉路. But we stil manage to reach where we wanted to go. =) thks to me. LOL. >.<

1stly, reach at 11+, den go jonker streeet, search 30min for parking. N went for Chicken Rice Ball! >.< 3 orang aje, tapi makan almost 1 chicken lagi tambah nasi. LOL.. after that we find for a walk at jonker street, bought some things. bla bla.. Find Kel's hotel and check in.. And drive all the way to aloh gajah to see elephant. haaha.. A'famosa. Dint really got much time to play, so we jz manage to go to the safari.

Evening time~ lets see. .Went to the portugese fort for a visit, and after that dunn0 wer the heck to go eat, so we went back to jonker to try the other stall of chicken rice. haha.. buy some 小食while walking also. so damn fking full.. And SATAY CELUP!!! been finding for whole day. and now that im fucking full.. U APPEAR!! summo 2 stall!! ish! too bad nvr got a chance to try em'. dun worry.. stil got next time. kekeke.. As time shortage, We went to eye of msia only, the other thingy thingy (which i forget what is called) got no time to ride d. One comment for Eye of msia, is fking bored. =.= or mayb is jz that the companion is diff? haiy.. almost 9.40 after we finish the ride. Go back kel hotel for my stuff, packed... and off to yuki hse.. had a rough time finding it though.. took me 1 hr 15m +- to reach her hse.. but now i know, next time will jz be 20min! xD

After fetching her and her sisters back. now here i'm.. blogging.. with one of my eye closed. Nite every1! Ugly pics wil be uploaded tmr. =)

I'm DOOM!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, im here blogging.. 2.27a.m. while awaiting my death to arise. is exam of 3 paper in about 6 more hours.. and i nvr really touch any book yet.. die anot? And i wed whole day class, i skipped whole day, and i slept whole day.. until 8pm.. Geng ler? and i felt down jz n0w, hurt my leg so badly. =( but i wont change my slipper!! never ever!!!! >.< Is yuki birthday! haha.. i went to find her early and had a simple celebration with her, as i kn0w that she'll be bz when the clock strike 12.. and finally she let me snap her picts d! haha.. xD after that, went back and study a while, and then out lagi with shirley. went makan Pan Mee and Sundae~ There goes my diet plan of the day. =.= okay.. i gtg.. books are waiting for me! tc!

*photo are cont on the previous post*

2 weeks b4~

2 weeks later~

(-@@-) Happy birthday Yuki!
=) *p/s Pls don't kill me for uploading ugly photos of u. =P
Shirley~
No thks, I'm full.. =p

P/s I hate fighting with u.. and u nvr gimme a chance to prove that i've changed.. 爱露又..

'i thought she was perfect
she thought i was perfetct too
perfect till she found some1 new
now im stuck in here watching her
i can't take this abuse
what does this guy do that i cant do?

Take me away right now...
... '

Plain white T's, all that we needed

Jz what i needed to sing my situation out. nitez!

2012

2012--checked! went 1u for 2012 today with louisa, john, and another fren of louisa~ quite nice the movie~ but too bad almost 98% of the human population dies~ or maybe lesser? =.= how many person can afford a 1B euros ticket per person?! i dun think my life cost 1B also~ haha.. pityful and nice story. to my reader, it is a mz watch!! after that, went for marche at the street for dinner, which is like a market place~ enviroment was okay lar.. but i dun like the food there.. jz took salad. then we went library for tetley after that.. i hope i get the beer name correct~ haha.. have to thank john good enuf to spend me the beer and thank me good enuf to buy my sis, louisa a shot of slippery niple~ what a shot to be remember huh? k, im so tired now. going to bed! nitez my love!

Fri~

Fuih~~~ thurs nite was a blast~ damn long nvr club d.. been almost 2 months.. Haha.. and guess what, what a 'small dance floor', i met chun hien there! party along with him all nite! reach back coll around 5+ and i was amazed that i stil can make it for the 8am class.. After class, 12pm, went back.. hv to fetch hong to Pj, sun bin drop at 1u buy 2012 movie ticket.. Q for 30min. ~.~ damn and i hate 1u.. too big for my pity feet to walk! Argh! nite time, joseph and joseph ajak pergi pool at sunway, planning to go 2nd round with kel, but too tired d.. Jz finish uploading some picts in Fb~ nite all~

Here some sneak peak of Some of the photos~i nvr really take pic though.. >.<

Party mode

without realising, is already thurs nite d~ without realising also~ monday to thurs also same ppl company me dinner~ xD mon- i see she eat, tues-i see her, she see me no eat, wed-she see i eat, and thurs v both eat~ LoL.. finally i feel the mood~ a while later i will be finally partying! xD been a while since i went to club d~ hope i hv fun tonight.. =)

Last Expression~

"mayb kao hao was right, this is just a blog to express my feeling towards u.. hmm.. think things are too late to go back d huh dis moment? tell the truth, i very bu sheh de, i very want u eventhough u hurt me break my heart so many times.. but forcing u to be with me will got no happiness... that's y i love you enough, to let u go away from my life~ i love you, that's y all i ever wanted u to be is to be happy, no matter u be with who.. baby happy den darling forever will be happy.. starting to feel my heart is walking away from u d.. OJT, 4 months, u wont be in coll anymore.. that time i already fully let u go d.. i hope those times is enuf for me to forget u.. 3 years 1 month.. all ended just lidet. u started this relationship and u ended it as well. hope your life wil really be better without me, i also will live my life to fullest d~ no more things will drag me from moving forward anymore~ i hope i can do it like how i say it, that scar however will hurt a while from times to times wan.. the scar u left behind for me, in my heart. <3>

Tuesday, finally Abdul hamid has turn smart and start checking the attendance list d, that means no more poteng class and asking fren to sign ur attendance. went to makan Duck rice in the noon, it was damn irresistable til i break my 1 apple and vege meal plan d.. -.- Damn, good thing happen! i pass my intrusment! woo hoo~ even is jz 75% ngam ngam pass but i stil happy, cause dis exam i fail nth! and score very very good in 3 more others subject also. went frisbee and the floor is wet! wah.. i nvr in my life play with naked feet on the field~ feel very song~ and dirty.. kakaka... gonna take a nap now and later going out to see how yuki cut her hair short! xD chao~

Monday~

Tired~ im so tired the whole day, and i of officially take action bout my diet plan d.. 'an apple a day make the doc go away, and 4 apple a day make jere thin!' yes, im torturing myself, breakfast a apple with egg and oatmeal, lunch, vege and apple, and dinner, 2 apple.. with a lot lot of water the whole day.. nvr took diet so serious b4, went for morning jog and also evening i will do some jog, swim if not will play frisbee! which i actually jz joined last week~ u'll nvr know how's a person word will change others lifestyle~ LOL.. and damn i glad water and electricity bill is finally cleared.. =.= owe til almost 500, wallet pain lor 1 ppl 100~ >.< there goes half of my pocket money.. and ya. i jz got blacklisted from my lecturer. wtf, i nvr slp also he say i everytime come class only know how to sleep bla bla infront of other 57 ppl~ =.= hate him.
After class i went to giant for grocerries, and then wanted to play frisbee but ended up helping mr.jonathan arrange the hanger workshop~ aiks.. den i jog back! haha... thats all for today, very tired.. going to bed d.. nite!

Miss

'I saw a customer of mine that makes me remind of u in the first sight~ her fringe, her nose, her face shape, her big big eye, and small skinny hand~ all also same like urs de~ 90% familiar.. really make me thought is u.. hmm.. den suddenly heart pound and i know i miss u in that sudden.. i really miss u. but i know is impossible anymore.. don't worry.. i will pull myself together and will forget u in all mean.. clock is ticking, and i will make it~ hang on jere! just till sem break den u won't have to see her anymore~ u got 4 months to totally wipe her off ur mind! u can do it i know~ Even, she used to be my life and i used i used to be her life.. but now isn't anymore she belongs to other ppl life and i belong to all'

She LALA post again~

went for movie again with cerd~ hehe.. makan bbq plaza and after that movie till 7.30~ she's an money eater.. spend her movie d summo wanna fight with me over bbq plaza bill! asshole k u bro~!! haha.. after that back shop and work.. and im going back to nilai after i finish today blog~ going back there all alone.. wish time would turn back.. good9 and take care!

Slack Day

"Jz another day pass without have to sad cause of u~ well.. i got a glimps though~ when i saw those pic~ but i dun giv a fk anymore. and thanks god i wasn't stupid enuf to buy u N'5, since some1 already planned to buy for u d. save up my 410 and since buy d also no meaning, cause i suddenly kinda got that stupid thinking of getting what u wan when i see u wan that perfume.. like alwiz i did b4, getting things that u wanted. but now i dun hav d lur~ save money.. go buy go spend things that got meaningful. im a fool.. a fool that used to trust what u say, and a fool will always be a fool. good9.. i will force myself to let go.. all i got is friends. at least they dun ever leave me"


Like i say it~ slack day.. haha.. whole day almost slacking and dint help my mum out.. >.<>.< after that went back for dinner and cerd came out.. planning to go for movie~ by the time v reach there.. phobia 2 takda then she wan pokerking, fully book~ =.= what to do.. go back lo.. but i always and like i say always got back up.. haha..went for pool a while and jeth~ win kel 3 buck french toast and milkshake.. nvr spend any money today.. =D Nite world~! im not lonely, what i got is friends..

Feeling Inside Me

"What's this feeeling inside of me? is so un-describeble, thinking so mess up, dunno which i shld follow. which thinking to follow? A part of me, ask me to forget her, ignore her, let her die herself. she done too many things to hurt u d. hurt until your heart get hurt again also numb d no feel d, not worth for u jeremy. Another part tell me, she done all those things because of me, hurting her at the 1st place, and she do all those thing is no wrong, jz forgive her and not to ignore her. While another part is telling me, think carefully when u make that choice, cause it might the final choice u made for her. u stil love her, u stil wan her deep inside of me. jz let things be and things mayb wil get clear one day. but u will bear all those pain with u while u waiting for that 1% miracle.. and it all will worth someday cause u stil love her deeply..
What should i do? thinking so mess up.. also got those 'got no got' thinking coming in and out frm my mind. I think i will jz let things be as for now. mayb i'll eventually forget her. the more im trying to fix, the more pain she bear and i bear. night and sorry"


test 2 is over!!! yay~ but i think i wil die at instrumental~ cause i d k a fk the book is saying. who cares anyway. fetch sheng to LCCT and went back ALONE after that. got no planning for the nite, so went for 2 movies~ hehe..

Movie Checklist
Jennifer's body (checked)
Poker king (checked)
Ninja (checked)
This is it! (checked)
Phobia 2 (checking-in tmr)
Time Traveller's wife and 2012? (reserved for her)

Going to sleep d.. good night.. and this is not a blog, is a dairy~

HATE U FOREVER

"im so angry im so piss im so out of control now, that i wish u would just die now. i need time to cool down. hmm.. dunno y morning time, something hit me and it really bring my mood down. i've been wondering, thinking and feeling the pain for the whole morning, afternoon and now. it even get worst after u FFK me. sien. i shlda know that a person bullshit cant be trusted for another time. this is what i get after trying to make myself to hope. fk it lar.. i shouldn't hope anymore. mutha fker lies and bullshit, and revenged is taken all by u d.. more than enuf d.. hope u happy with the status i'm now lor. i used to think that my heart is really hard and solid and always thought can take up and let go something really easily. but i found out is not that easy, and i don't think that i can do it either. u're touch that will make my heart heal and a word frm u will make my heart crush. Yea, i'm the emotional dog now. hand are bleeding and heart are crying. u'll never understand what i feel and what i have to go through.. i really need some1 to guide me what to do next. hmm.. :'( "

Finished 3 papers and have a really bad headache today. wish to see her to slp de.. but as a fren i couldn't make that happen anymore. really down today. Going out with yuki later. Chao~

Confession of a Broken heart

"u're a really really sucks drinker do u know that? =.= but i have the happiest nite on my emo days~ cause i stil kn0 that i'm inside there somewhere. the situation get until dis stage also not your fault, is just a silly mistake that u made out of anger, a silly mistake u made that can't be fix or un-do.. hmm.. i know that what happen yest night won't change a single thing between us. at least i hope u stil can live happily, and pls dun make another silly mistake okay? i also won't ignore u d. cause i know. whatever u do, whatever u say, or whatever i see or know, wont hurt me anymore. cause jere's heart already broken and cant be broken another time liao.. it wont heal d. hehe.. thats y im happy go lucky. i dont care what happen between u and others d. i just wanna do things that won't suficate me any longer."

tmr exam day, 3 paper~ T.T skipped 3 out of 4 class today~ LoL. after dat went swimming and met christine and michelle and jian ming there, haha.. so v play along lor. aiz.. hv bread again for dinner tonight~ got to buckle up to study d.. left another subject to go.. wish me luck! ^^

Big talk girl~

"really hate u, hate you for fooling around with my heart! how many time had u actually given me hope and jz walk away lidet and repeating the same thing over and over again d?! 5 times in the pass 2 months k! and is the 6th times today! jz the same as breaking and breaking a heart that is healing slowly.. in this rate i will nvr heal from the wound. Hmm.. Is true that i stil got love for u, but all... is doens't mean anything already for u, so why does it hav to mean anything for me? y are u talking jealousy word? u outside can find i cannot find?! u wanna change ur number and buzz off den u do as u like okay. jz remember what jere boi always says and always promise"

1st thing i get up in the 6, is a fking cramp on my leg! and no1 can save me~ T.T been suffering there in sleeping mood~ haha.. and Is been another busy day in coll~ mood went from normal to emo~ haiy.. and i learnt something funny from class today, is a principle of how the engine runs. SSBB (suck squueze, bang and blow) haha... is what the lecturer tell me, and my went went adding an0ther inside, SSBBE (suck, squueze, bang, blow and ejact) xD after that i went for frisbee~ and is very tired now.. wanted to get drunk but all she got is BIG TALK and no action. is been the same all the while. gtg~ Bye

Consistant~

' h0w consistant can u get when u suddenly turn ur life up side down and forcing yourself into the new life? how consistent can u get when u try to wake up 6.30 in the morning for a jog and eating vegetables only for lunch and bread for dinner? n0 rice, no carbonated drinks, no fried food. and how... consistent can u force yourself to forget some1 when she's been ur head all day and nite? hmm.. i'll find out.. '

Okay, back to study... im having exam this week so i better buckle up for the papers.. frm all the subject, pray that i dun fail fuel system enough.. That lecturer will give a hell out from u when u fail, u have to prepare 30 question yourself in Microsoft, den u hv to let him ask u all the question, and after tat... he'll make u eligible for the RETEST, which is in subjective instead. and is farking hard.. All those that resit, 20+ ppl.. only 1 pass.. =.= damn.. lucky i pass my test 1, and hope i'll do the same this time.
Beside that, my fren's fren involve in a accident jz outside my coll.. among so many Ppl, so many Car/motor.. he bang a motor with 2 police.. suay~ summo he inn0cent type.. s0 i hv to fetch my fren to find him in the hospital.. hope the prob wont get too big lar.. wish him luck.

A new path for me

Is been quite a day~ and guess what, she dont need 7 day, she jz save the 6 day of her and my life and jz used 1 day. lol. spending my whole noon at hse, nite? cw promised me a movie, so we went for jennifer's body~ it was okay lar the movie.. and megan foxx is fuih~~~ hot.... haha.. after that kel, wh and wh was waiting for me in jeth but i nvr go find dem cause cw say wanna drink tea.. so we went for yam cha... and that's the time i get to kn0w the decision that will forever change my life.. As i always say.. thing would't.. nO.. should say.. things will nvr go the way u planned..
after that went for pool til 3am.. and here i'm blogging.. with tears.. and everything erased from me.. except from my inner heart.. hope she'll do fine from now on.. =) is a new path for me from now.. HELLO WORLD!

Fear of knowing

Arh~~ is fri night, and is time for a break! finally weekends is here~ and ya... is fri night, and im here blogging cause im too lonely and there's nth for me to do, wanna catch a movie, but the person who used to catch every movie with me is not here anymore, wanna take a chill on some cafe, but she's not here anymore, wanna take a drink at culno, and yet. there's no1 here with me anymore. haiy.. im sitting down here, regreting all the things that i done to hurt her. that un-recoverable pain.. only if she given me a chance to cure those pain for her. eventhough i stil give her time, but.. isit im the one that been lying to myself all these while? isit that i knew the answer already, but always try to say give u time think bla bla.. so that i won't hear from u.. that's it over? :'( i really love you.. if there's a chance given, i won't be the person who i used to be anymore, new life, new chapter, new beginning, and a new me.. If there's a risky chance given to me.. don't feel sorry for what i had done to me k? even if the person u choose wasn't me anymore, but i wish and hope that it will forever be a memory encarve in me.. so i won't forget such a beautiful girl that came in my life. <3 u forever~

Oh ya, and i've gone out with cerd today again.. finally she had her steamboat with me.. Zzz.. sien.. always have to see her and her ken so sweet.. always feel myself very lonely this way.. Ass u bro~ hate u~!

okay.. back to my home-download-movie~ what to do? no1 will accompany watch my movie anymore..

jz another day

My weekdays go on stil like normal weekdays, class 8~12, 1 to 5~ tired... but look at the bright side. i got whole morning to sleep tmr! haha.. went for the chinese society event and KIAN TECK perform eh.. siao siao.. looking smarter d, unlike form5 d.. haha. my planning doesn't go as as i planned as usual~ sry for making her angry, because too hungry and my bad planning! gastric faster get well den i bring u go makan ho liao!! Hehe.. <3 u
that's all for today. oh! ya.. i did something else today, which i can say 0.01% of the 19yrs old kid like me would do for thier gf or even is ex-gf! i dunno im too in love or jz too dumb. anyway, i won't regret it. ~.~ nite all~

MOVIE!!

Y isit so hard to watch a movie when the person who used to watch movie with you everyweek has gone? darn it! out of all those that i ajak, 2 busy, 2 WONT watch english movie and poof.. jz when i thought i'd found her to watch movie with me, but she FFK me!! and together with me rest of the plan i planned.. sien.. but there's alwiz back up right? went sunway for lunch and call cerd out for movie! and dey say CAN!!! i was so excited until i see the time of the movie. -,- as i expected what she'll say.. 'movie too late lar'. argh!!! last solution!!! im watching the fking movie alone so i don't have to fan bout it anymore.. 20 more min movie starting d.. hav to chao d.. =)

*to the girl who is sick~ pls get well soon..will pray for u in the silent..

i feel it~

Arh~!! a day with some meaning.. is been a while since i hv a day like these... my love one hasn't been around with me anymore.. days has been so dull so sad without her~ but at least i did something today!! i went jj->pool->mamak->cc with kel den back to shop to work den i sneak out to cc again with kel and kao hao den to siu yeh with family~ love the feeling of having some1 by my side.. eventhough is jz batang.. but is banana batang!!! haha.. miss the laughter of em'

Off to bed~

*sry jl cnt mamak~ very full and tired d. =.=

back home~~ sweet~!!!

finally finished exam! such a relief.. but i wouldn't wanna know my result.. sure die wan.. cause i dint been studying due to too many things goes in and out from my mind.. sigh..
heard something bout u today.. well.. im cursing now. =) the childish wan i mean.. not the lovely wan. whether to believe or not to believe, me myself know from the lil brown bear i kno.. and stop lying d k? not good.. but good for me.. =P
anyway.. im back in home.. jz wanna work and try to put it all aside for now while she make up her mind.. nite world.. nite girl. =) <3

Jealousy

jealousy is used to be my middle name like u know.. so does urs huh? jz dunno y it hit me so hard when i think of it.. things which u used to say to me, but now u are saying it to another. and what i can do is just watch and look from behind. feel like jz take a knife and stab my self also n0t that hurt. when dis only will over? what happen if im the one who is having another out there now and all u can do is watch and wait for me? and u says i change jz cause to get u bac? ya.. after tht i will change back? no.. y would i let a person i love ever walk away from my life again after i know the importance of you? y would i don't appreciate u anymore after what v've gone through? hmm..
each day i see u walk further and further with my own eye.. wondering when you'll turn ur head and walk back. when dis pain only will over? and what are u doing now?? hmm.. worth u do all those things to yourself mer? i hate it okay? just wake up already!!
no mood for exam. fk digital fk furnish and fk fuel the most! @.@ i already get fked by instrument d today.. sien.. preparing to resit~ back to FORCE study mode~


*p.s stil waiting for you with a shattered heart~

Shadow in her eye

Can any1 tell me? is there a possible to see some1 else love with your eye close? with your heart against it? with hate? with belongs to others? See me change. but how are u gonna do that with ur mouth saying all those things to other guy everyday? isn't it very childish to be with some1 to forget some1 which u stil in love with? so many questions on my brain.. which earth in dis planet that doesn't get rained b4.. learning from mistakes and growing up, appreciate things more, eye opened to see things more. is all a part of life. beg u take off those shade in your eye and start seeing things... im not worth for u to do all those things to yourself. pls don't make yourself c***p~ i'll be there for u.. jz don't cross the line and remembered what u promised, the last 3 yrs and last 2 week. big brown bear will always be the big brown bear u once knew.. but will lil brown bear be the lil brown bear he once knew? god knows..Won't let u shed another sad tears. sorry i'm~

Enuf with the emo part..
Been sleeping the whole day in school~ damn freaking tired.1st exam is on tmr.
omfg!! i hvt touch a thing til now.. but they don't call me god of exam for nothing. let's pray my magic work on tmr paper. wanna take a nap~ good9 world.. goodnite my baby~
<3 u, always wil be here for u..

1% of hope?

"Faith brought me into your life,
and now, faith brings us apart"

really been a moody day f0r me. done things that a moral person shouldn't done, done things that an ex shouldn't done.. and what my curiousity get me. is my hear being torn to million pieces, burn, and powdernized it after that thr0w into the sea along with the wind.. yea.. dramatic.. Jz hurt so much that i don't believe that 1% of hope stil exist already. pls tel me that it stil exist? hmm...
doesn't matter if all those hurt me again. But i really afraid of seeing her again. so i've been trying to avoid her the whole day. AND she's sick! makes me god damn worry.. but no use.. everything also n0 use already. Days where i used to accompany her along the bed to wait for her to slp are over. but i stil wish that she'll feel much better tmr.. hope jenn wil tc of her nicely. =)

*silent hug from me* get well~

Confusion

"stop interrupting my life!" and "i alwiz need you". doesn't these two phase are totally against each other? or im the one that misund cause too perasan? what do u need me for anyway? to drive u? to get u dinner? to help u in math? or u need me because u stil love me?

IDK!!!!!

and i hate seeing u.. avoid trying to see u, or talk to you already.. every sight i laid on you makes my heart melt and everytime when i see him finds you, makes my heart crush.
can any1 tell me what is going on?! argh~ i hate my life~~

King of the day

Jz <3 the sunset~(credit to Jos (= )

or shld i say prince of the day? there arent a king without his queen.. and i dont have a queen.. =(
tried to emo over today..hope to celebrate today with her at goldcoast, with a candle light dinner, alcohol, a walk in the beach with camera on my hand taking picts.. but, lik what i say 'things doesn't really goes the way u wanted it to be... so here's h0w i pass my 19th..
havent 12am, jun,kel,gideon,mic, all come bring me go pool d.. same time cw also coming.. ~.~ so end up.. i went steamboat with cw, a drink with louisa, and mamak with jun dey all after dey finish pool~ing.. next day went to pyramid with jenn and jos.. my god.. dint knew the last time i saw jenn was 4 yrs ago.. =.= and i saw hong in pyramid! a guy which, same hse, same course, same class, same birthday with me.. haha.. small world.. after that went back and back up to nilai.. and was kinda upset to myself.. for dint fetching her.. i wan2 fetch her, but i duwan to breakdown again.. every eye i laid on her makes my heart melt and memories, sad and happy.. will all come back as if was just yesterday. hmm.. don't know what im doing is right or wrong.. really miss that somebody..
and i nvr really receive any present dis year. O.O cause she don't buy for me any longer.. but who cares bout physical stuff? all i ever wanted for my birthday is you.. and i kno, im a sad stuff.. =.= oh~ last thing.. i haven't made my birthday wish yet! "wishing" ok.. done..

*p.s i stil love you

the 17th

Cheese!!

my cousin sis chose the cake for me =.=

My lil brat cousin from singapore~

Let's see.. is my birthday eve.. and im wondering h0w to not celebrate it.. cause i really g0t no mood to celebrate anything =.=
got up early in the morning for some dim sum with my aunts and parent.. guess what.
they g0t me an early birthday cake celebration which i dint expect at all.. O.O
Night, got to work.. and i g0t a pool invitation and a poppy invitation a
temple visit(due to my chinese birthday and english birthday clash on the same day) and my own invitation(stay at home emo~ing).. which shld i go then? things was nvr been dis complicated when i g0t her around.. she makes all the plan and i.. got a company through the whole day without any worries.. =) but n0w that she's gone.. i gotta plan myself d.. fed up.. Wish that she'll be here.. Miss u..

Life' a joke

my Cute ass baby~

It was form5 back then at my hse~

Place of where our lips 1st touch~

Ya, like how i say.. life is a big joke.. love is a big game that i cant afford to play anymore.. i'm all alone now.. reason? because i don't appreciate what i had once ago.. and when i try to get it back.. is all too late.. ppl change, heart changed and love also changed.. what can i do? whatever that i care for her, she scold me control, yell at me to get out from her life.. and yea.. here im.. gotten out from her life and start to blog 'Jere's life without her'.. is been more tahan 2 months since v broke off.. seems so long dis two month.. i miss the smell of her hair, miss the touch of her hand, the tiny body of her which required a big fat fella like me to hug to warm her when she's cold.. aww.. and the sweet face of her that make me smile everytime i look at her.. if my ego wasn't that high that time and jz apologize and say yes.. thing wouldn't gotten dis way.. it would be our 3 yr and 3 months and 12th day by n0w. how much i wish time can go back and undo all my foolish FUCK UP actions and words that i says to break the lil soft heart of hers.. i'm a foolish guy and dis is foolish world to live on.. everything start so randomly and ended so easy~ i miss her.. and sorry that i treat u that way.. hope u found ur happiness.. my baby girl..